I can finally show everyone :D

Best keitai charm ever! XD

覚えなくちゃいけない

A:　彼の著書はいつもほめられるね。
B:　まあね。とぶ鳥も落とすいきおいだからね。今の彼の人気は。
A:　文も分かりやすいし、みんなから受け入れられやすいテーマの作品だからね。
B:　そうだね。一度も悪く言われたことがないよね。

A:　あ、もしもし。お母さん？　うん、今日残業で遅くなるから。
B:　じゃ、あなたの夕食はいらないの？
A:　うん、ぼくのはいいよ。みんな先に食べて。
B:　お父さんも遅いって言うから。あなたのも、お父さんのもいらないってことね。じゃ、私たち外食しましょう。

Trying not to feel guilty

Sorry, I realize this is a horrible pic:



I had breakfast! I had a LOT of breakfast @_@ It was tasty. Pancakes, eggs, and ham. Also coffee. Lots. For some reason I could just eat breakfast forever.

Anyhow, this is a great place. Service was excellent. They offer you a newspaper while you wait :D Supposedly their burgers etc are tasty, too. They do Chinese and American food.

I wanted to get a pic of the sign on the wall that said, "FRIED WIENERS $4.95," just to be immature for a moment. It was just hanging out on the wall in block letters. There were guys sitting over there, though, and I didn't want them to think I was taking their picture.

Shoot...

I forgot to take a pictue of my meatloaf. I'm going to try to get meal shots once in a while. I cherish this one:



Other Emily took that on her last day in Paris. That's her food at the Crous. Memories *sniff* It's really too bad I didn't have my digicam back then. In Japan it will be so sweet to be able to take pics. I'm glad I'm getting the hang of it.

Anyhow, remember that stack of books? I got through them ALL. No, I didn't read them, but I wrote the bibliography entries with info about what to expect from them (i.e. what I was supposed to do.) Somehow I have to come up with five more pages of stuff for this project, though. I need three thesis ideas and a summary of the topic, but I dunno if I can get five pages out of that. I guess it's really only two and a half (yay double spacing @_@) so maybe it's possible. I might also look for a couple articles on school refusal syndrome and ijime. That'll round it out right, I think.

I hope I'm doing it right.

Haha.

Anyhow I think I'm going to leave that for tomorrow. I've done a lot today. Now I can study some kanji (which I didn't do at Java Aroma, since I socialized with Marc) and read some more NP. I think I'm going to find more of Banana Yoshimoto's stuff as part of my massive summer reading program lol.

XD

Coffee Excursion

I went with my friend Marc (and we stopped for photo-ops on the way.)


This is a...I think the boy and I decided it should be termed a "housewares store." They sell toilets, doorknobs, bathtubs, and lamps, among other things, such as mirrors. I was worried we would get kicked out for taking pictures. Couldn't really get the lighting right. Turned out kinda blurry and bleh. They sell wall mounted toilets here, which I think is a pretty good idea. You can actually keep the floor clean that way! No trying to mop around the tank.


Best coffee place I've been to in Stockton (which is not to say I get around:)


We chill. The interweb is free for customers. Good music is played.

My weekend thus far

Essentially...



I look so studious...



This is a pretty good book so far:


In fact, I can say that it is quite an enjoyable read. I'm looking forward to continuing. Sort of reminds me of Murakami, in a way. Very fresh, creative stuff. *sparkle*

Ok, that's not ALL I've been doing, but honestly, it has been the greater part. At least I'm accomplishing things. Eating and watching the news aren't too much more thrilling. I think I might head out for some coffee and kanji...

Updated Links

Everyone please note that I've added a bunch of new links. I didn't include EVERYTHING, but I did put up quite a lot. Fun stuff! ^_^ Informative stuff! :D Happy stuff! XD

MINT BROWNIES!!!

Yeah, I wanted to wait until I uploaded the pic. This is seriously the best thing the dining hall has come up with. I ate one yesterday and grabbed another one to save for today (which has already been savored.) Since there need to be more of these in the world, and since I didn't get to share with the boy, I went searching for a recipe. This looked pretty close to what the dining hall had. I bet they're even better XD

I must have these.

When have I ever said that about a pair of shoes? I sound like a total girl. For Marathon Tabi, though, I will. These are too cool.

Killer sandwich (Thanks, Marc)

Almond butter and blueberry preserves, yes sir.

On sourdough, oddly. However, I think whole grain would perform better.

ALMOND BUTTER!!

BLUEBERRY!!

Love and sparkles.

Pix

You'll notice I've started posting some pix. Obviously I really have no idea what I'm doing. Just sorta slapping them in. Really though, it's just taking the time to change the quality of the pix, dump them on my comp, resize them, and get them in a folder. Once they're THERE, it's not so much work to use them.

I would say probably the easiest way to see the most of my pix is on facebook, but I also have a flickr account (CompanyHalt). In addition to that, there is always myspace, but I don't put up much there aside from something recent of me. Facebook is nice because it's so easy, the way they allow you to make albums and stuff. It's just simple, and I love their uploading tool. I should probably work on getting more up on Flickr, since anyone can go there.

...

Yeah.

Anyhow, hopefully there will be more photos coming, but rarely in sync with the actual post. I'll put in a parenthetical note if I have pix to add later though...

That's so lame lol.

420?

So, this has to be a joke, right? Sheesh. Kinda crazy though, because there IS a housing seal on it. A friend of mine was speculating that maybe it's a way to get the high people to turn themselves in. Apparently it's a pretty big problem on campus in the bigger dorms. I'm so glad I'm in Jessie B, much less crazy. You hear about drug and alcohol write-ups from other places. I've never even BEEN to Grace. In fact, I don't even know where it is. Maybe that is a good thing.

Weather

I just thought I should mention that I finally felt like I was in "California" again today. It was sunny and hot and everything smelled nice. What a great day! Two of my three classes were outside, just discussion. Anyhow, it's quite a nice change from the dreary rain and chill.

Feeling vaguely...

disgusted by the nastiness masquerading as some sort of half-assed apple crisp. The fact that it LOOKED half-assed should've probably cued me in that it would be pretty horrible, but I was nonetheless taken in by its promise of actual fruit. Could've just eaten an APPLE, Emily. I mean, come ON. I'm tempted to make up for the displeasure with chocolate, but instead I think I'll settle for brushing my teeth. I have new vanilla mint toothpaste.

So, to be honest, most of miffed-ness I'm experiencing here is due to the fact that I had chocolate soy milk this afternoon and that was SUPPOSED to suffice as far as excess sugar goes today. It's a double slap to the face when your cheating dessert is yucky.

Then the next question is why do I feel the need to address this HERE? Because obviously I do. Is this a healing process? Wait...I'm supposed to do some exercise thing from my therapist at times like these. How perfect...would you like to experience it with me? Let's; it'll be a joy, I'm sure:

Date/Time: Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 7:01 pm

Situation: Ate extra dessert. It was yucky.

Automatic Thoughts: BAD! Failure. Double slap to the face (illicit and icky) You can't keep eating this way or you will gain weight and you already look weird enough (The problem with assigning number values to these things still seems pretty impossible to me. I'm supposed to say how much I believe these things at the time. Of course, when you think them, they are the rule, but if you pick it apart you can TELL yourself that no no no, don't over react blah blah blah...we'll say 100% I said I wasn't going to have any more dessert and I did. That IS a complete lack of will power. FACT! 100%)

Emotions: disappointed (30%), angry (10%), dissatisfied (cuz it was yucky) (30%), stupid (10%), worried (20%)

Adaptive Response: I'm not good at this. Note how my automatic thoughts also happen to be CORRECT. Let's see though... Ok, first of all, one of the questions is, "What is the effect of believing th eautomatic thought?" I guess we know the effect is that I wig out about food and lose weight until doctors tell me to gain weight. That wasn't fun or healthy really. I think too much about this stuff. Maybe that is another automatic thought, ne. (100%) "What could be the effect of changing my thinking?" Well, see, for a while it was really easy to justify eating whatever I wanted cuz I was TRYING to gain weight. If I had extra dessert it didn't MATTER so much. Of course, stressing this much, as has been pointed out, is JUST AS BAD AS THE STUPID DESSERT. But ok, the effect now, of saying, TO HELL WITH IT, would be...well, maybe I would gain weight. I do believe that, but I'm not happy about that. (100%) "What's the worst thing that could happen? Could I live through it? What's the best thing that could happen? What is the most realistic outcome?" See, I'm really really good at finding bad things. Theoretically, I COULD just keep gaining weight and end up with heart disesase and dying a horrible death. An airplane could also crash into my dorm room and crush me right now. (That was Donny Darko, not 9/11...if anyone...was confused...) I wouldn't live through THAT haha. But no, really, I AM worried about it because I don't want this to be a bad habit. I don't want an unhealthy lifestyle. Ne? That sounds reasonable, I think, but others would maybe disagree. So the best thing? There is no best thing. This is me, having eaten too much dessert that tasted bad. There is NOTHING good about that. I didn't even enjoy it!!! One questions my motivation for continuing to eat it... In fact, I did only eat about 2/3 of it. Why? Collapse of COMMON SENSE. Slave to the decision. I have this thing where sometimes I make a decision and then I really have to go through with it. Sometimes I need to be more flexible. Maybe I can apply that to the dessert thing too, in which case I could say that I just "changed my mind" about having only chocolate soy milk for the day. Even so, changing one's mind to allowing cake with every meal is not acceptable and while that's not something I would be likely to DO, it would sure taste good, ne? Wouldn't we all enjoy cake? Rarrrrr. The other thing is that I wasn't supposed to have dessert YESTERDAY and I did. This is an everyday sort of battle. So it seems that I really do just need to totally CHANGE what I accept, but what does my BODY accept? I DO NOT WANT TO BE UNHEALTHY!!!! AGHHHHH. Random number time: (100%) That goes for the hesitation and doubt found here as well. Let's continue though...

Outcome: I still believe my automatic thoughts... "Changing my mind" would be a cop out. Current emotions now include self-hatred (10%) for wanting to cop out and relax the rules, in addition to all the other things. "What will you do?" I will...quit thinking about it? Dwelling on things never helps.

---

That will SO not all fit in the little boxes I'm supposed to fill out. It was also not helpful. Maybe I do it wrong. I'm probably not supposed to think NEARLY as much.

Uhm...

I found a cute website. I'm actually going to cite it in my research paper. It's so adorable and helpful.

---

Today, while I was eating the HEALTHY part of my dinner, Scott's coat called me, as it frequently does. I think it's cute. It caught me with a mouthful. At first I couldn't hear because of all the people and trying to chew discretely, but then I realized it was just pockety noises. Awww.

---

Time to go watch Democracy Now!.

ORRRRR NOT...as the page refuses to load. That is distressing. And yes, everyone, I realize that I will need to add some MORE sources to my news collecting endeavors. This is a STEPPING STONE. Errrrg. In the meantime I will go read this, or maybe I should just do homework...

Blahhhh...

How could I forget the opium den? (plus nostalgia)

Why I don't bring my camera with me to these places is really a question for the ages. I always forget. Speaking of which, I hope that Herbie bug is still parked in the lot outside. I should run out there...

Anyhow, yeah, on Saturday Scott and I ended up in this museum of old clockwork dioramas and coin-op pic shows and video games. Some of the the stuff was pretty creepy and most of it was ancient. There was one big carnival one, and a village with (probably) slaves that looked like zombies : / The opium den though, what would possess someone to make an opium den? I wonder what it did. This place is actually pretty sweet; entrance is free, but to REALLY see anything you need a pocketful of change. We mooched, it was great :D

----

I was checking out Watashi to Tokyo and found some links to interesting ads and I CAN'T GET THE HYPERLINK TO FORMAT RIGHT SO GRRRRAHHAFSDKFJLSKFJ. The EDF one made me miss Paris. I used to see this all the time in movie theaters. They have a good ten minutes or so of commericals before the previews even start. Some of them were pretty creative.

http://smt.blogs.com/mari_diary/2006/04/great_tv_ads_of.html

In the future, let's not substitute peanut m&ms for actual sustinance, but work towards a more balanced, healthy meal everday!!! *justice sparkle*

Why didn't I just go to the Summit? I could've had some salad or something, instead of MORE sugar. >_< I did have a pbanana dog, but that really didn't do much. Recourse to candy is never the answer! We have learned!

To escape the saccharine sarcasmic charm of my fake Japanese signposts-- wait. Let's not esape; let's remain a bit longer. I wonder if it is tasteless. Does anyone think it is? Does it seem malicious? Am I being racist? Honestly, I really love that stuff, those signs that make you feel like there is a big benevolent J-mommy somewhere in the sky looking after you. I really DO think of those sweet, motivational words when I have a made a mistake, or at least I try to. It's a lot better than saying something like, "Dammit, you loser. Why did you eat candy when a salad was a quick walk away? You already had cookie today! And all sorts of stuff! You didn't even need THAT!! *hate hate hate hate hate*"

Errr...yeah I think I just did that anyhow.

"Hey, everyone! From now on, let's try to actually avoid the things we are trying to avoid instead of pointing them out and thus zooming in painfully on something better hit over the head and fed to the pigs! :D"

I suppose on the one hand, it CAN get a bit patronizing. If I get cruel and feel a little sarcasmic (Am I the only one who thinks this is a pretty nifty sub for "sarcastic?") I could end up being just as mean, but I guess it's more fun? And in that one, I WAS mean to the evil and not myself.

On the other hand, sunshine and bunnies.

---

I should clean my room.

---

Happy Easter?

Another brilliant weekend with the boy. Perhaps you could all tell that last week was taking it's toll SECOND by SECOND on me. I was a bit burnt out.

"This week let's work hard and do our very best to keep churning out paragraphs of not too horrible academic quality papers!"

(Enough already...)

He even let me take his picture today. A rare occasion indeed. He picked up some fun games on a wander we took Saturday down to the wharf, including the ever-goofy We <3 Katamari, because, yes, We do. Other highlights are the journey to the Ihop, my introduction to Big Trouble in Little China, Piraat Pizza, a romp through a toy store, Farcry (unfortunately without mad monkey skillz at that point)in the demo room at 1Up (on Easter Sunday, word!), all of these things--AND MORE (like the BEST BURRITOS EVER!!!) lol XD We always find lots of fun stuff to do. Granted we could be (and often are) sitting on the floor in his living room doing nothing and THAT is fun, so...we pretty much roxxor, I think.

---

I just looked at this week's "D-hall" menu, and let me just get my complaining done now: it doesn't look good.

---

Yes, I think this is just what happens when left to my own devices. You know, my devices are ok! There is nothing wrong with them! I am so quick to berate myself for the slightest infraction (and let's remember that the fact that there are such things as "infractions" speaks VOLUMES : /) LOOK AT ME TRYING TO KEEP THINGS UPBEAT! LOOK! LOOK!

Nah, it's cool. And hey, I don't mind sounding like a silly girl, pep-talking myself (and err...the world) in my blog. It actually does feel pretty good. I'm not a loser! Whoo! The fact that my brain senses a contradiction at times, and demands to be heard on the contrary, DOES NOT MEAN that I won't eventually win.

Let me expound briefly on tomorrow's plans, for I do, indeed, plan, though they are often changed, or simplified, or crossed out in angry pen strokes. TOMORROW (!!), I INtend to Attend two of two classes, both two hours long. I would like to have the reading finished. I also have some appts to keep and some another thrilling UNESCOlicious source to peruse for my bibliography. That wasn't very detailed, but it was...fun? lol

---

I think there is something pinched in my neck that manages to hurt all the way down my right arm. Isn't anatomy fascinating?

---

Behold, Emily, Queen of the modern zuihitsu! (as if the entire rest of the planet doesn't ramble in their blogs about whatever comes to mind...)

---

O, love and sparkles!

One month to go

I made it through the rest of the week somehow. It wasn't fun or pretty, but I did it. I even managed to get some stuff done, although not as much as really should've been done. Anyhow, I'm in Frisco now, and quite happy about it. I may end up avoiding the Greyhound again. A friend from the dorms dropped me off at the BART station on her way home, and I might be able get picked up there by another friend for the way back.

If I can get some Japanese and reading done this weekend, that will be good. I brought some worksheets, my history textbook, and Kenzaburo Oe's A Personal Matter. Scott had pulled an all nighter at work, so he sacked out early, which gave me time to get caught up on my history reading and watch the news.

Anyhow, *ramble ramble*, I guess I don't really have much to say. I've been using my 1UP blog to talk about video games. That doesn't mean I have a hell of a lot to SAY about them though.

Haha.

I'm gonna go read ;p

Today's Compromise

Well, I didn't go to Japanese. In fact, I slept and listened to Frank Zappa. However, I did take a shower and finish my workbook on time for my CCT interview.

I also heard back from my study abroad advisor. (Yes, Virginia...)

I think instead of trying to find people going to San Francisco, I just need to find a ride to the Greyhound. If I can just resign myself to the inevitability of a nasty bus ride, it will be much better. I can sleep or play video games or something.

Ok, so that was a couple compromises of various sorts, I guess. And some random things. And...

A Tale of Unexpected Happiness:

For our CCT interviews, we were told to "look nice." The "nice"ness of my clothes I have with me on campus is not renowned, or even purported. In other words, I don't really have any "nice" clothes. I have some non-scrubby casual things though, so I did ok. Actually, I was sort of cheating. Generally, looking "nice" involves clean (i.e. unworn since the last wash) clothes, at least in my experience. Today, however, I wore something previously worn over the weekend with Scott. Happily, it smells very much as Scott would smell were he to be here at this moment. I am inclined to lie in my room all afternoon wearing the shirt as a mask. Maybe it will increase my seretonin levels :D Unfortunately, the experiment is not to occur; I have CCT in less than an hour and a couple chapters of reading to get done beforehand >_<

I was so going to watch cartoons, too... (Oh well : /)

Today has utterly defeated me.

I feel horrible.

I thought maybe I had a ride for this weekend, but that has fallen through. Food was a mess. I have no will to accomplish anything. Actually, I did for a bit. The one thing productive thing I could bring myself to do was look for jobs. I found a great-sounding one, was trying to slap together a resume, and was maybe even POSSIBLY succeeding, when in another window (damned multi-tasker that I am) a PDF froze the whole computer and I lost everything. If I barely had the will to do it once, I sure don't now.

I want to go curl up in bed and cry instead of:

doing my math homework
memorizing some pointless (yes, pointless) Japanese dialogue
worrying about "non-digitalized passport photos"
writing about Japan's economy
reading the rest of the TODAY'S reading assignment for history
working on my annotated bibliography
figuring out what kind of insurance I need to get for Japan
asking in vain if anyone knows anyone going to Frisco on Friday
re-typing the resume e-mail
wondering if my study abroad advisor will ever call me back (or if he exists)
pretending to be trying to get something done
listening to more net radio
eating the pear on my dresser
taking a shower
blogging...

but I guess I shouldn't.

I really don't feel up to anything right now though. I feel like the best I can do is fall apart and maybe get it together tomorrow. This is not to say that things will actually come together. Tomorrow is Wednesday. That just means it's one day closer to the day where everything has to be right and it's still all wrong.

It's not ALL wrong.

Good things for today:

...

Ok, I'm trying.

Oh, we watched Drunken Angel in JLit today and it wasn't as boring as the other movies. I actually enjoyed it. That doesn't mean that I was in a movie-watching mood, nor does it mean that I wasn't antsy and wanting to leave, but it was a worthwhile film, anyhow.

Food just made me mad today, so we're going to avoid that.

Uhm...

I got a box from my mom! Most of it is things I shouldn't have until Easter, but I opened it up for the Studio Ghibli movies. (They jibble...) There is a LOT of candy (all very very good candy, probably the most well-rounded Easter basket in all history,) a toothbrush (which makes me wish I hadn't bought one yesterday), some lip stuff, and my new shoes. I tried the shoes on, and they look pretty girly, perhaps a little too much for my wardrobe even. I always get really attached to the shoes I wear, though, so I think my initial reaction is always somewhat negative, no matter how cool the new ones are. They are blue and orange.

I listened to Ellis CDs.

I'm in love with my boyfriend (and we'll assume, to keep with the "good things" theme, that he's still in love with me.)

C'mon, one more...there has to be something...

If all else fails, I'm still HERE, but there has to be something specific. Today wasn't really all that bad until a few hours ago...

Oh, I watched the news again. I'm proud of myself. I really do think I will be able to stick with it.

Allow me, though, to say that I'm frustrated by the fact that I feel like I'm spending my time more productively watching the news and reading the internet than doing schoolwork.

Ok, but that was negative and it paved the way for all these other things. It's like they're massing at the gate, "Yuck, and it rained most of the day. I have a stomach ache again. I miss the boy. I don't want to do anything etc etc etc"

Makes me feel like I need to start over with the good things again.

*sigh*

Ellis

Remember how I practically dragged myself out the door last night? I was so reluctant to go out again. I was tired, had work to do, didn't feel like I would get into "some random woman singer."

I'M SO GLAD I WENT.

It's true that I don't usually get into female voices, but hers really got me. I was completely involved the moment I sat down. Her music was so emotion-filled. Happy songs made me genuinely happy, and the sad ones almost had me crying. Her stage presence was overwhelming. Maybe it sounds weird coming from me, but she was so beautiful up there singing her heart out. She also told great stories in between songs. Had us all practically falling out of our chairs with crazy laughter!

I picked up a couple CDs. They were out of the t-shirt I wanted, but hopefully I'll be able to get it through the website. She also had this great scheme to discourage CD burners: a sampler! For only five dollars you get six songs off of various CDs of hers. I got one for my sister. I think both her and my mom will like it.

It's too bad I won't be in Milwaukee for PRIDE in June. Everyone should go! I really wish I could. Anyhow, I'm glad I got to meet her and hear her sing. The last song she did unplugged on the floor with us, since by the end of the show only a few hardcore PRIDE alliance people were left.

Oh, and as an interesting consequence of the evening I ended up watching Democracy Now (after linking to it from her website) and getting some news. I think I can definitely make a habit of that. That was pretty easy. It's probably better to start with simple commitments :D Increase the liklihood of success!

留学生

This evening we performed our highly anticipated Japanese skit "Ryuugakusei" ("The Exchange Student") for a packed Bechtel Center. The basic plot is that Ben has just arrived at his new school (Emily High School) and believes he's embarking on a magical friendship odyssey. Little does he know that the cool kids really just want to beat him up and his teacher is an ex-yakuza hired by his sister, the principal (that's me,) to keep the students in line.

I would say things went pretty well. No lines were bungled too horribly and even though I couldn't keep a straight face for the unrolling of our "mind-reading" Japanese communication scroll (to faciliate understanding in the audience), I'd say I did an ok job. The fight choreography came off decently as well. Hopefully we made it worthwhile to sit through the entire program (nearly two hours.)

Other highlights included my friend, Lex, being awarded best Japanese student, the Russian skit (Oh, how I miss Russian...), and seeing a couple of my former classmates sing the Chinese national anthem.

I'm hoping that the pictures taken of Max and Paolo as tough guys make their way to my inbox, so maybe I will be able to update later :D

As for right now, even though I have things to do I should probably throw on my PRIDE shirt and catch part of the Ellis concert.

Much better

i.e. How I feel after a weekend with Scott.

After a seemingly interminable Friday afternoon I eventually stepped into my Japanese professors little red car and we took off for San Francisco. It was rainy, and, as usual, coming up on Frisco was more like driving into a weather formation than a city: big dark cloud. For some reason traffic was pretty congested, but it was still a hell of a lot faster than the bus, so I was happy.

Upon arrival, he showed me around his hotel (since I'm scoping places for my mom's proposed vacation later this summer,) and then told me to meet him again Sunday for the return trip at four. Then I proceeded to walk up hills in the rain, which wasn't so awful as it may sound. I was just happy to be in Frisco on my way to the boy's apt, regardless of how much water my pants were absorbing or how loudly my feet were squelching.

Once Scott trudged up, equally soaked, and hugged me, the weekend settled for the most part into a nice period of easy happiness. I finally got to see Scott's new toy (Sidekick II...very fancy.) We went back to the Indian restaurant where we first had dinner together, watched cartoons, had ironic Japantown Denny's, shopped, walked around everywhere in the weather that had obviously been saved up all week, and just had a good time in general. Sunday morning was donuts and Howl's Moving Castle. We made tacos for lunch and tried to play a weird war game commanding squads around. So much good stuff! Even leaving wasn't so hard, because I know I'll be back this Friday one way or another :D

Last night I managed to get a little more done on my annotated bibliography. I still have no idea how I'm going to stretch it to fiften pages. It's getting longer, anyhow. Right now I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be doing Japanese homework, so I'd better get to it! I really wanted to get something down about the weekend though. I don't think I quite captured the constant ELATION involved, but hopefully if you know me, you can picture me in a good mood.

I was in a really good mood.

And his HAIR! (So cute! :D)

nerg

I'm worrying about random crap instead of accomplishing things. I wish it were midnight.

For some reason I'm a chocolate freak today. I had chocolate milk to try to counteract the badness of lunch, but that wasn't enough I guess. "Luckily" I have M&Ms.

: /

It's ok.

Anyhow, the plan is to pack and shower and maybe try to read some crud...make some copies...blah blah blah...

I'm in a stupid mood, which is lame because I should be HAPPY, cuz I'm finally going to go see the boy again.

I AM happy about that. Everything else just seems lousy I guess.

Ah well, at least I have something good.

A little insecure maybe...

Just remembered a dream I had the other night. It was about this four year old kid. He could barely pronounce everything right, probably had trouble with his "r"s or something, but he was talking about politics or something. Telling me who would be voting for in the next election or something.

*sigh*

I am horribly uninformed. It's like I was talking to a Japanese stock broker the other night, and he was saying he's worried about the US economy. Thinks inflation will start. Something about FRB and FF rates. ?_? I "hmm"ed at him.

*SIGH*

I gotta keep reading this article ha...

Anyhow, popped into my head was all. The genius kid smarter than me. At least I wasn't babysitting him.

I am a SLACKER

No, I'm just taking it EASY for a bit. lol That's right...sure...

Yeah, this morning I got pretty caught up in www.vocalgroupcosmos.com and consequently did my Japanese homework during the first five minutes of class, didn't get any reading done, etc.

Now this afternoon it seems I am being just as productive.

FOR SHAME!!!!

Hmm, for some reason I feel there should've been more to say here. I mean, why would I post just to berate myself for screwing around all morning?

Did I already moan about not getting paid anymore?

And library fines?

LET'S NOT COMPLAIN :D LET'S FIND THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT TODAY AND SMILE :D

How about the fact that CCT is ONLY THREE HOURS of my life wasted and after that I can look forward to doing MOUNTAINS of HISTORY HOMEWORK. Ok, not mountains. SEE? THEY'RE NOT MOUNTAINS! THAT'S AWESOME...

...

I did have one of those insta-death seven layer bars today. The puritans would've said it was THE DEVIL'S DESSERT. Those things are sin incarnate. HOW CAN IT TASTE SO GOOD WHEN IT'S SO BAD???? HOW?

This entry is very shouty.

IT'S LIKE TWO PEOPLE HAVING A CONVERSATION ACROSS THE ROOM!!!

Why though?

TO SHOW OUR ENERGY AND OPTIMISM!!!

That's a little silly.

OH, WE KNOW!!!

Whatever you say.

I could've sworn... (+first look at Eurovision 2006)

I posted yesterday o_O but I guess not.

HI EVERYONE

Last night I stayed up REALLY late, later than I usually do even on the weekends. I was waiting for a Japanese net friend to show up so I could interview him for my CCT paper. That WOULD've been a completely waste of time (since he didn't show for the second night in a row) BUT (!!!) I went to

www.eurovision.tv

and checked out the videos for this year's applicants.

Since I've been watching Eurovision for as long as I've been writing online journals, it's possible that you've put up with buzz from earlier years. It's really fun though.

So far the notables include:

Finland - Rock angels! Hoo-boy...

Iceland - costume shop explosion on acid with ego problems

Latvia - ACTUALLY good. Even the sappy lyrics aren't tooooooo cheesy. At leats, they grew on me after a while.

Turkey - Retro with a beat.

Slovenia - The hair! This guy is intense...

Romania - Snakes!

Germany - Cowboys?

Most everything is rubbish, but at least you can make fun of it :D

Finals are May 20th. Time to start party planning...

Weird happenings

So I keep waking up with cuts. The other day I noticed a scratch by my lip. I figured it was just dry skin or something. This morning, I woke up with dry blood under my eyebrow.

I just remembered one of the dreams I had. I was walking up a hill (a hill! and I wasn't even in Frisco!) and all of the sudden I was enveloped in "corn" (it was more like grass than corn, thick grass...very high, taller than me). It was very exhausting walking up this hill, but it wasn't so much the hill as fighting through the corn. It was still a road, but the corn had taken over. I didn't know which way I was going and it was almost intoxicating. It sort of reminds me of the poppy field scene in The Wizard of Oz. I kinda collapsed for a bit, though I knew I had to keep walking for some reason. I was so tired though. I just lay there in the corn, thinking I had to get up, had to get up, but I didn't. Weird dream ne?

And then I woke up with this weird blood on my face.

?_? *shrug*

Gah!

I just had the most giNORmous breakfast!!! @_@ I hope homework facilitates digestion o_o Flipper, her boyfriend, and I went down to Java Aroma for "dining hall improvement kits." Then we headed back for breakfast on campus. Lots of food! @_@ Scone, eggs, bacon, café au lait, and a little fruit. Yum *_*

Haha, last night I didn't even end up going out for video games. I was so comfy in my room just putzing around that I stayed in, which was fine. Actually I ended up chatting with a Japanese netfriend and he is letting me interview him tonight for my CCT paper, which is good because I've been letting myself get away with procrastinating on that specifically because I hadn't done the interview yet. I didn't want to have to renumber all my notes to add interview quotes later.

Ohhh crud. I have a stupidly overdue book here. Only a couple days, but it's an ILL book so the fine is extra hefty. I have to remember to return it today...

a;dskfjlksdjf

O, the eternal happy!

So for STARTERS, remember that today my roommate moved out. I know I mentioned that already, but it's just the first layer of this fantastically rich and decorative cake!

So I have my own room. Then this afternoon we went to my Japanese teacher's house. She had SO MUCH food. The best chips and salsa ever, cookies, crackers, awesome coffee that she made a special way...by hand I guess is the best way to describe...just delicious. We watched Shall We Dansu? (the original version ne) and it was GREAT. It's interesting how the Richard Gere and the guy who plays that part in the Japanese version give off a very similar aura, like they have the same type of good looks and the same demeanor or something...Anyhow...great! Then dinner was SPECTACULAR! Curry with big chunks of beef, carrot, and potato and rice. She also made a tasty green salad. After we were all completely stuffed she sliced up TWO cheesecakes. One was New York, and honestly, the best cheesecake I've ever had. So light and fluffy!! o_o I didn't know it was POSSIBLE. The other kind was this insanely dense rich chocolate kind. Slivers of each. Just...completely OISHII!!!


And then I got home and of course, miss the boy and wish he were here. I didn't get to talk to him yesterday. He works so hard! (Check out the Best Damn Game Ever on 1UP!!) So I called and we talked and I love talking to him. Aiiiie he's so great and HE'S COMING TO WISCONSIN!!!!!!!!!! He said he will come in June even if he has to work on the plane. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!! XD XD XD

*crazy*

@_@

I'm in a really good mood. I'm going to do a little work and then head out for some game...game game game. I did play some FFII today. Battled my way to hell...fun! Damn those abyss worms tho...or whatever they were. They were good at killing me for a while.

hahaha XD

This really is the stuff of the good life though, ne? I found it ^_^ That's the best part. It's like...I feel like I learned how to be happy. Hopefully it's not just the pills kicking in. It doesn't seem to be though. I feel really different :D like everything will just keep getting better and better ^_^

Spreading out

So my roommate is officially gone. I put some stuff on the other side of the room, but it's still really empty looking. Anyhow, it is nice to have my own place again. Also, everything is clean. I decided to get my side of the room swept and mopped since her side would be all shiney. Everything is all picked up.

I don't feel like I'm getting much done so far though. I've been reading a bit. Reading I'm not worried about though; it's the WRITING that scares me. I need to keep going on those papers.

*sigh sigh sigh*

So it's curry this afternoon, games tonite, coffee tomorrow morning, and lots of work. That's a plan.

DUDE...last night I felt completely ill. I thought I had the flu, for real. I guess it was just the combined effects of a yucky dinner and poorly planned snack. Sick to my stomach, couldn't play games or read cuz I felt dizzy, had the chills. This morning though, I woke up fine :D Thank GOD o_o

Taken:

2nd math exam
not my time

I GOT DONE SO EARLY :D

and I think I did pretty kickass. I'm pretty sure I figured out the distinctions that were important and applied the right shiznat and all that.

Worrrrd.

Other than that, hell, it's practically the weekend. Just gotta figure out what I'd like to get done then...and make sure I do it :D

XD

Today summer plans have been SET :D Instead of hoping/wishing/assuming to stay in Frisco with the boy, I ACTUALLY AM. We discussed it this evening and the invitation has been formally extended. THE REST GOES WITHOUT SAYING (tho really, it's already been said.)

SOOOOO HAPPY!!!!! XD ^_^ XD ^_^ :D ^_^ :D ^_^ XD ^_^ XD ^_^

*LOVE LOVE LOVE*

I hope I can get him to come to O-town, at least for a long weekend. Maybe that is a possibility. I will be there for my bro's birthday, but back to Frisco in time for Scott's. Which...hell, everyone needs presents lol. My sister still needs hers XD

Flipper and I are going to make a Java Aroma run this weekend. Or maybe tomorrow. If we go tomorrow though, it's almost certain that I will go again. Java Aroma is also XD

Many things are, in fact.

Feelin' groovy ^_^

Didn't fail my history exam...

I got an A-/B+. That is a lot better than I thought.

:D

Sorry...I don't really have anything else to say...OH WAIT YES I DO.

I'm psyched cuz next weekend I get to mooch off my Japanese prof. He's going to Frisco for a conference and will take me along :D

Word! XD

A leisurely breakfast is good for the soul.

I swear, a plain toasted bagel with peanut butter, cream cheese, half a grapefruit, and a cup of coffee splashed with non-fat milk is right up there with the very best of the best of the best best breakfasts ever. It has this perfect balance of tang and bitter and sweet. It's worth eating nice and slow and taking progressively smaller bites so you can pretend it will never end...

Now I have to get some work done before class though. I WILL accomplish SOMETHING. I'm not sure what, but something surely. The easy thing would be to start the next novel for JLit, but I shouldn't be doing the easy thing. I should be doing the hardest thing, to get it over with asap: ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY!!!

I've been feeling so good lately that I don't think I'm stressed out ENOUGH. I feel almost like it will just do itself. THIS IS NOT REALISTIC. I mean, I really like not freaking out about it, but I'm worried now that I should be worrying MORE. That is sooooo counterproductive. Instead of worrying about whether I'm worrying enough or too much, I should just DO THE PROJECT.

I'm glad I can come to these conclusions all by my big girl self ;p

I need to reassess my sources. I thought I have enough, but for some reason I feel now like half of them are useless. I think the hard part is that I'm not entirely sure what my topic should consist of. I think maybe I will go talk to my prof this afternoon.

Maybe that means I should do something else now...

Or slack off...

Tomorrow is Math Exam II. I'm feeling ok about the material though. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. Chanda and I are going to study like banshees this evening, I believe. Or at least I will. And maybe watch cartoons.

I'm really into Hunter x Hunter. I mean, I've only watched 2 episodes (this time...I saw part of the show in HS), but I really like the feel to it. It's back in the day anime and I really like it a lot. New stuff is good, but classics are classics.

OH but I SLACK.

Pretty much my options are either to work way ahead, or work on projects. I don't HAVE anything else to do. I'm ahead on normal work, and pretty much on schedule as far as projects go. This makes it feel like I have just this wealth of free time, which really I don't. If I could get EVERYTHING done, THEN I would feel a little more at ease. I should gun it on these projects, and REALLY finish them. Then I would have actual instead of perceived leisure. Leisure to spend as long as I want at breakfast, musing on the delicate mixture of pb and cream cheese melting on my tongue...

Also leisure to watch cartoons, read the internet, play gamezzzzz...

ooh yeah! I have games!

See even right now I am just putzing around. Let's get useful! Let's get productive! Let's read a thing and write down how helpful it was for our project that we don't even really know what the topic needs to be! Let's study kanji that we've been doing for a week even though the chapter just started! Let's read the book that's not due till next week even though we're not done discussing the one from this week!

See that is the problem. If you get too far ahead then you forget what you did by the time it's time to be accountable, which is not nice. Then you just feel like maybe you should've slacked off. This is probably TRUE as well.

I should slack of SOMEtimes.

I wonder when my Jhist prof has office hours...

A few weird dreams later...

Today in CCT, I nearly told the teacher that the website exercises were "all wonky." I ended up not saying anything at all, because I figure I can just print it out and fill it in on paper rather than mess with the broken bubbles, but ALSO because I became full of all sorts of happy fuzzies when I realized that my brain had just, of it's own accord, chosen one of Scott's words to describe the situation. NOW I KNOW that more people that JUST Scott say wonky, in fact, I can't even be sure if I heard it from him for the first time (Steve? Do you say this? For some reason I can picture you saying this...if you don't, maybe you should start...) ANYWAYS, I was happy. It made me want to talk to him INSTANTLY tho, but I had to put it on hold cuz I didn't have time for a decent conversation.

I've had the theme to Princess Mononoke in my head lately and I don't think I brought that cd with me so it's sort of driving me nuts. My mom is sending out the collection of studio ghibli movies I have, so I can just watch the movie.

Today I applied for a scholarship. (Look! Effort! *gasp*)

I also, as can be understood from the first item, attended CCT for THREE DAMNABLE HOURS. Ok, honestly, I really just FELT like saying "damnable" there, but it IS long. I don't like long classe and tomorrow is Thursday (really Thursday, not just I wake up and FEEL like it's Thursday. In fact, now I almost feel like maybe tomorrow isn't Thursday, since pretty much EVERYday this week has been...at some point) which means 2 hour classes...which tend...to...drag...like...















a






























...






















corpse!!!

(I'm sorry, but it can be true...some days. Sometimes class discussion just doesn't light my fire...)

Tonight I am tempted to watch cartoons, since I didn't last night. But I feel like I should read something. We'll see.

Maybe there is a compromise in there somewhere.

Sore Losers

Yeah...they were going to charge me. They weren't very nice about it either. Ah well. So the order has been canceled. Boooooooo...

Shoe Update

Well, they actually DO cost $100.00, as you can see if you follow that link. They corrected it. No news on whether my order is valid or not yet, but it should be! ;p

Free shoes?

http://www.hellyhansengear.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=413

I just paid six dollars shipping for a pair of shoes that probably costs around a hundred dollars. I expect that during the processing of my order this will be drawn to their attn. Maybe I will be able to get a credit or something. Or maybe they will just send me funny water shoes. Either way that roxxorz :D

HOW DID I MISS SHABERU?

What a useful world.

to talk/chat/chatter

THANK GOD I LEARNED IT NOW AND NOT TEN YEARS FROM NOW! :D

Today was very lazy, yes, but I got a lot done, or at least what I had planned to. Met some cool Japanese speakers online. A boy from the Philippines who lives in Saitama and a librarian in Kyouto.

I'm a little disappointed that I forgot to take my meds with dinner. I ended up having them with a blueberry nutrigrain muffin bar with peanut butter. That actually TASTED really good, but I had one of those already today and also a bunch of peanut butter. It was a bad idea to buy those. I need to get healthier snacks. The fruit leather was sort of a pointless too, since fruit is easy to take out of the dining hall and fresh fruit is better than leather.

Also dinner sucked, so I ended up having a bit more apple pie than I would normally eat. It at least actually tasted good.

So I think the verdict is that we will just continue to try harder on food (without trying to try...to try...harder)

Already I forsee a problem. Breakfast tomorrow is going to be very difficult cuz I have CRAP for food here right now. For lunch I was thinking peaches, cottage cheese, waffle. That sounds brilliant, but I REALLY don't want to eat muffin bars for breakfast. Probably what I will end up doing is going to the store for some milk to put on some grape nuts. And hell I'll probably buy a banana because I didn't think to grab one...cuz I'm dumb. I don't even have a spoon! GRRR

Maybe they have utensils in the deli...

I COULD just take myself OUT for breakfast tomorrow. I could put off the waffle thing until Monday. Technically it's probably better to just have an english muffin anyway. Still tastes hella good but not so massive. Technically...if I did that...then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about going out for breakfast.

Why would I feel bad?

Possible lack of whole grains...very unhealthy, greasy...etc etc

OMIGOD WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME RATTLE ON ABOUT THIS CRUD?

Ultimately, I wonder who will really be open at 7:30 in the morning? Maybe I can get myself to sleep in. Then I could go to a cafe or the grocery store as I see fit.

The other thing though, is that I could go get some coffee first and wait for places to open. I'm sure the coffee places would be open. At least Starbucks.

I think I have spent too long thinking about this though.

What a waste!

Tomorrow will come no matter what and it will be dealt with as I see fit TOMORROW

I don't have to see fit now.

Now, I need to get my face to stop bleeding (dangit), watch some cartoons, finish the laundry, take a shower, be ready for the phone to ring cuz I know Scott is calling, and go to bed HAPPY no matter WHAT I ATE OR DIDN'T DO PERFECTLY OR WHATEVER because my life is pretty freakin' awesome.

weird dream

Bleh. I got up at 7:30, had breakfast, punked around, read some homework, and then proceeded to get really pathetically tired. I guess maybe cuz I was sitting in bed reading or something. I dunno. But man, I crashed out for another hour and a half. Felt really good. I guess I needed it, but I'm still a little guilty.

I can't remember all of my dream, but one thing is for sure. I dreamt that part of the plot of the new Earthbound game involved some sort of axis of evil during WWII between Bowser's Castle and someone else...some other evil Nintendo character, or Dracula, or something. I can't remember. Maybe Hitler o_o Anyhow whoever it was, those two, then became allies or sold spy secrets or something to the bad guys in the new Earthbound game. So this was like backstory...so weird ne?

Then I was having this laundry dream where most of the boy's clothes were clean, but mine were all dirty (like they are right now hahaha) and my mom found out and got mad. I guess cuz I told her I didn't have anymore laundry to do, cuz his was done. She was like, "I thought you said this was done! All your clothes are dirty!" She was really cracking down on the dirty laundry...whoa @_@

I guess that means I should do that today ne ;p

Another weekend

I spent the past THREE weekends in Frisco! Gosh, that was nice. This is the first time in a while that I'll have to be here. Actually I'll have to be here next weekend too, for a Japanese class project.

*sigh*

Today I shipped off my Tokyo confirmation paper. Had to overnight it; kinda expensive >_<

Just got back a bit ago from the Bollywood Ice Cream Bar. Five dollars (for a good cause) got me ice cream, a movie, and...ten bux? Yeah I won a raffle for a concert ticket that I had no interest in going to and this girl bought it off me for ten. Kinda happy about that. Anyhow, the movie was pretty...bad and slow. It would've been slightly better if we could've made fun of it, but even that may not have saved it.

Went shopping: peaches, pineapple, and blueberry muffin bars. The muffin bars are ok...probably too much sugar in them or whatever.

I had a sandwich to-go for dinner so I grabbed a bunch of fruit and bagel for breakfast tomorrow :D

Played lots of FFII today. Got pretty far.

Yeah basically I just had a really punk around day. Got stuff done, but then decided to take the rest of the afternoon off. That was nice, but it means I have more to do for the weekend. I guess that's fine though, since I'll be here. Can go camping at Java Aroma.

At some point I have to do laundry.

heh

Arrrrrrrrrr!

NINJA MONKEY PIRATE!

(Does anyone understand? I really don't...)

Anyhow...aside from that, which, I dunno where that even came from. I think it's been biding it's time in a dust bunny-filled nook for a while. What subculture is that an identifier for though? How did it start? Is it just the internet?

IS IT ALL THE INTERNET?

web webwebwebwebwebweb

ok...

This Friday there is a Bollywood ice cream party at the international center. Sundaes and a movie. Sounds like a plan. Five dollars for a good cause. Oh, I need to go request a transcript with those five dollars. Don't let me forget.

Crud it's Wednesday.

Errrrm....

I hope I'm not screwed.

www.asofterworld.com
I've been reading this today. Sad and disturbing, but good in it's way.

This weekend I will write more paper sections. Today I will read a multitude of things. I'm pretty proud of myself. All that work I did over break put me in really good shape so I can afford to take things a little easier right now.

Hence reading webcomics, finally finishing BECK, and listening to music while chatting...

It seems that my roommate may once more be leaving. The room she originally applied for is open again. She seems to think she has a very good chance of getting in. If this should happen, she'll be moving not this weekend, but the next. My own place again :D Pleasant (unless of course I get yet another new 'mate.)

No Cross Cultural whatchamahooly today, which makes me smile and frolic. Or rather, it makes me relax, a lot.

The only thing is that I can't remember when my next appt with Camy is and I need to mail paperwork and transcript transcript transcript.

GO GET IT NOW.

Freezing

I REALLY forgot how cold it is in here.

;_;

At Scott's house we make it so toasty. If we're ever even a little bit cold there are blankets and heaters and cuddling right away. Here at school the air conditioning just blows on me and there's nothing I can do about it except try to wear lots of clothes and, if all else fails, jump into bed early and shiver to heat up my cocoon.

Oddly, the heat in the bathroom seems to function very well. Sometimes it's very nice to have a nice lengthy tooth-brushing experience. I guess it's not always like that though. At least earlier it was. I went through there on my way to dinner and it was very warm. Too bad they can't route some of that nice warmth into my room...

So I just spent all that time looking at acceptance materials for CIEE. I looked at some of the more interesting parts of the handbook and went through the majority of these modules they recommended for students thinking about homestays. THIS stuff is actually helpful. It's all really good cultural information and specific examples are used to illuminate the points they make. They quiz you and everything. This sort of thing makes much more sense to me than Cross Cultural Training.

Tomorrow I will have to print out a whole ton of stuff. For starters, all this new paperwork. Then I need to take a look at all the stuff I wrote over break and see if it still seems acceptable.

GOSH and I forgot. I will probably be finding out the results of my midterms on Tuesday. I'm a little nervous about that. I told Scott that. He says I'll be fine. You know, it's very interesting; most people WOULD say that. I mean, no one will tell someone who is worried that, "Yeah, sounds like you didn't study enough." That would be cruel. But have you noticed that from some people it means a lot more to hear those encouraging words? It means a lot when Scott reassures me. Not just because he's my boyfriend, but because I think he's a smart guy and I respect him. It makes me feel really good that he believes in me. I have a least a couple other friends who fall in this category as well. *sigh...happy* This is the kind of stuff I try to think about when I get bummed out by everything. Of course, it makes me just a big ball of raw human emotion, but it's sort of nice to feel that way. Frustrated, stressed out, but realizing there are people who care about you and people you care about and that things aren't so bad. It sounds really sappy and goofy, I guess, but it's really nice...

Really really nice...

I wonder what prompted all that.

I guess all this thinking about interpersonal relations with these homestay modules. Learning more about the the way the experience works, I'm a little intimidated. In English, I am perfectly capable (ok wait, I take that back completely. It's hard sometimes to know if you are behaving well or not...) of being very humble, polite, etc, but in Japanese it is very (read: even more) complicated. I'm also worried because, while the typical conversation style of Americans is considered direct, I feel like my way of communicating is doubly so. I guess I thought of this because I was telling Scott about it. If I have a problem, I will of course be very honest and as tactfully as possible, point it out and address it. I want honest feelings, straight communication, "heart to heart" or however you want to put it. This could turn into a huge problem in Japan. I'm going to have to come up with some strategies for...talking. *cry* And ok, while this is what I value and how I try to run things, it can often be very tough. Dealing with things the right way is hard enough in ENGLISH. One hardly knows whether one is coming across well or not. In Japanese, not only will it be in Japanese, but I won't even be able to use my American judgement of what the "right way" is. I don't even feel like I have our right way down and I will have to figure out theirs! This makes me very nervous, but I'm also excited, of course. Really, it sounds like I could have my hands full even without classes, just trying to really get into my homestay. In a way, it's like an extra subject.

Wow though, this was supposed to be just a complaint about the temperature and now I've gone and spent another half hour or whatever blogging.

It's 9 and I have math that I haven't looked at in over a week to do...

Brr.

A Good and Right Weekend I've Had

Here I am back in Stockton. The dining hall has fed me. My books and papers, snacks and CDs lie strewn everywhere... A little lonely, a little sad. It seemed like things were going at such a nice leisurely pace, but even a nice leisurely pace will get you where you're going in the end.

Since Scott had a press event Thursday night and got home late I managed to get ahead on my homework so Friday I only had to write a little bit of stuff about Japan. That afternoon I took went swinging in the park, wandered Chinatown, and then went down to the Metreon to play DDR. I only ended up watching though, because there were some really hardcore people. One of them was playing both double pad on heavy. He was holding himself up on the bar, which I had never seen before and thought was pretty slick, but Scott informed me that that is CHEATING and "BAR RAPING" and BAD. After I got sick of that I went back home and got REALLY ahead on homework. I read half of Snow Country, which is ok. I don't like it better than Sanshiro. I'm not sure why I really felt like saying that... It doesn't really qualify much, but...just to say it, I suppose.

Saturday we had a really good day. Very active. Lunch out at the bridge place in Japantown. Beef curry and croquettes :D Then we went to Ocean Park/Beach. It was a windy day, but the scenery was really cool. I had never really seen the Pacific before. There were lots of funky windy paths in the park and we clambered all over the place. We'd pop out on a cliff and watch the waves go crashing into the rocks. It made me think of the Toei logo...or is it Toho...I can't remember. One of those...Then we were feeling a little hungry again so Scott ordered a chili burger at this little diner on one of the cliffs. I've never experienced one of those, so I picked at it a bit even though I wasn't starving to death.

NOW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING REALLY REALLY exciting!!! We had a SUNDAE with HOT FUDGE!! I had been craving this pretty much the whole week and he knew it cuz I told him. He thought of this great ice cream place where they have all kinds of funky flavors like Thai Tea and Blueberry Cheesecake and we split a large sundae with pumpkin and pistachio ice cream. We tried to pick flavors that would be super tasty with hot fudge and I think we succeeded brilliantly.

Then when we got home there was more Invader Zim to watch and then we pretty much sacked out. Actually this whole week(end as well) there was a generous (and appreciated) sprinkling of Zim. I'm really glad he showed me :D I know I've said how much I like it already, but I just feel like mentioning it...more. XD

And Gir is spelled like that.

Not "Grr" XD I forgot about that.

Today was Sunday and we had a really good last bit of time together (for the break! for the break! O_O). Played more goofy games, had blueberry pancakes and eggs (our first and only pancake of the visit o_o unheard of ^_~), and then just chilled till it was time to go.

The BART is really great. I'm so grateful to my Japanese teacher for allowing me this cheaper, quicker, cleaner, generally more pleasant transportation option. I sat next to a Japanese family and tried to eavesdrop a bit, but the train was sort of noisy. A little teary-eyed but no crying this time. Once at the station, I met up with Mayumi-sensei and we had a good talk on the way back. :D

Ahhhh and now I must return to the world of homework and things alone those lines. It feels a lot later than 7.

Bit of a Lie In

Today got off to a very late start. It was sort of nice though. Did some laundry, watched some cartoons, ate Pop Tarts. I haven't had Pop Tarts in quite a while...very tasty. I had never seen Invader Zim before. Pretty nifty cartoon :D Grr makes me smile ^_^ All the voice acting is really good.

Somehow I managed to scratch together my Yukio Mishima project yesterday. Or at least a rough draft. I think I will turn it in and see what he thinks. Anyhow that means that I am totally on schedule. Today I will read some more of The Soil and then head out to the library to collect some info about the geogarphy and environment of Japan (2-3 pages...)

I think I might also go get a muffin tin. We have lots of baking mix since his parents sent a box full of happy things. Actually, we had quite a bit before that too. We'll have muffins coming out of our ears :D

Three Cheers for the Boy!!!

Today Scott got a big promotion. I'm so proud of him! He totally deserves it. This will make things a LOT easier for him. Worries are flown away! :D

I met him for lunch over by where he works. We were going to try to find something a little exotic, but decided after walking a ways that the sandwich place down the block sounded really good. I think this was our fourth time there. Great toasty subs and it's not a chain! Score!

Anyhow I should probably get back to reading about Meiji era farmers...but it seemed necessary to proclaim all the happy to the universe ^_^

I miss my Parisian library card...

The San Francisco one looks sort of boring. I do have one now though, which is pretty sweet.

That's about all I accomplished today. Been reading and went to the library. Also ate. Seems like that's all I want to do. Eat. Bleh.

I have eternal munchies or something.

Bleh bleh bleh.

Well I think I'm going to venture out to the bank and then the grocery store. They lie in totally opposite directions, but that's ok. Then I can come back, do dishes, and read till it's time to start dinner.

It's Official

In less than a year I will be in Tokyo! I got my acceptance e-mail today. Of course, that means turning in money that I'm sure I'm just supposed to pull out of a hat somewhere and doing even MORE paperwork, but it will all be worth it in the end. I'm going to Japan for a year!!

It's 8:06. We stayed up too late last night >_< so attaining productivity this morning is proving difficult. I'm awake and eating a lot of breakfast. Maybe that counts as something...

We like to bake here.

Yes we do! I love it! The fact that we like to bake, I mean. It's so great. Scott found his good scone recipe and OH, was it good. We put chocolate chips in them. They will not remain on the counter for very long.

Today is Sunday, but Scott had some stuff to do so he went into work. Not a problem at all though. I've actually had a super productive day. I wrote my first essay for cross-cultural training. Five pages about why I want to study abroad. It's done! Bwah hahaha! I snacked on some stuff, going to run to the store for some things, and then come back and read some more Mishima.

OH YEAH I also learned some Japanese songs. Both of them are in Grave of the Fireflies. Koinobori and Ame furi. VERY FUN SONGS :D

*happy*

peanut butter breakfast

Yummmm and we still have clementines left too :D

The boy is still sleeping. I asserted my wakefulness by actually getting out of bed and having breakfast. I'm not upset or anything. He'll probably feel bad when he gets up, but the fact of the matter is that we just require different amounts of sleep and that is perfectly fine with me! :D

My Japanese prof gave me a ride yesterday and instead of letting me take her out for lunch SHE took ME out. So nice! We went to this authentic crepe place. The owners are actually French. Very nostalgic. I had chicken and spinach. I wish there would've been more actual chicken and spinach and less of the super creamy wine sauce, but it was really tasty. Anyhow we got to the bus station and she offered to pick me up at BART on my way back. I get to take the train and not the crummy Greyhound! Score! She said as long as I give her a heads up she is cool to drive me. Awesome. I have gratitude like niagra falls!

Well I'm going to go read some more Mishima stuff. The goal is to have the paper done by the end of break. I guess I will just have to think of something to write. I found out that he actually wrote an autobiography (in addition to the autobiographical novel that I already read) only it hasn't been translated. That's really too bad. I'm sure it would've been worth reading...

I like Saturdays ^_^ esp at the boy's :D

Ah yes...

Feeling better this morning. Had a good breakfast, a productive math class, and now am packing. Nice to be packing. I managed to get some laundry done last night, so I have some clean clothes. Have to figure out a way to get all the books I need to bring into my bag, but should be ok.

The only thing I have left other than that is Japanese. Before that I need to shower and see if I got my check or not. I ended up asking my Japanese prof for a ride to the bus station and she said yes! I offered to buy lunch in return and I really hope she will accept because I think it would be fun :D

Anyways...busy busy, so I'll be jammin' now.

Yay break!

Yeah ok

1. Exams are over. THANK GOD. It was hard. I did not enjoy it.

2. I think I'm being a little overzealous about the eating thing. I need to chill out and NOT think about it so much. The whole point was NOT to think about it and now I'm THINKING about it.

3. I'm leaving tomorrow. This is a really really (REALLY REALLY) good thing.

attack of the unfriendly fajita!!!

OMIGOD. The only thing worst than the taste, will be if it actually makes me ill. I doubt it will. I wish I would've quit eating it. I think really the only problem was the COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PICO DE GALLO. It's not my fault *sigh* They made it! Anyhow, bleck. I think I will taste like nasty onions and stuff for the next week (sorry all) Tried to get rid of the taste with some other tastier stuff, but it didn't work. The altoid is also defeated. *sob*

I have to go study some more for history...

Had my lit exam already, went...ok I guess. I hope...

History I'm more worried about. I just don't feel like I know enough. I also have to start it early since my nutritionist appt is right in the middle of class...

>_<

In any case, once this is over I can have some fun or something.

And tomorrow I'm leaving...

:D

Contemplating Wednesday

I made it through Cross Cultural training decently. I still don't really like that class very much. One of the instructors really bugs me. The whole atmosphere of the class kind of bugs me. Let's gain cultural compentancy! Whoo hoo! It just seems very fake. Not genuine at all.

I like genuine.

I tried to be genuine for a second. Addressed something that I think is a pretty complex issue, and personal today in class. Basically I wanted to see what they thought about HOW MUCH you should give up of your own culture to "do as the Romans do." It's very easy to read this question as coming from someone who expects to go and have everything catered to them American-style (which is obviously not the case for me) but I just genuinely think about HOW much you have to change. I think I probably made myself look pretty stupid, because of course people want to jump in right away and say things about how YOU went THERE so etc etc and of COURSE you'll be a bit uncomfortable AT FIRST blah blah. They didn't really get the full background and depth of my question.

Anyhow I'm not worried about it. Also I'm done with my discussion leading stint, so that is a relief.

More importantly, I've come to the bizarre conclusion that statistics is my favorite class right now. Where everything else involves lots of reading, thinking, etc, stats is just solving problems. You feel GOOD when you solve problems. I actually LOOK FORWARD to math class (partly because it's a shorter one but partly) because I want to learn how to do more things with z values and stuff. We're starting hypothesis testing and I'm EXCITED!! Math homework is like a break from all my other homework. My other homework could go on indefinitely, just study study study until you fall over, but math is discrete: "PROBLEMS 1, 3, 7, 9, 11a, 15, 19" That is all! And every step of the way you COMPLETE something and when your findings are aligned with the back of the book's findings, the world seems good.

Tomorrow is EXAM DAY.

I have to admit I'm still rather frightened. Of course I'll study tonight, not to mention tomorrow morning, and during lunch probably. Lit, I guess I will just end up being ok in, but history I just don't feel prepared for at all. I felt that way last semester for the history midterm too, but I think this time it's MOREso...

Hmm...

well, just gotta keep working I guess.

On the food subject, I guess things are going ok. I'm eating a ton. Sometimes it's hard to think up stuff to eat, cuz the dining hall doesn't always have good food. Today for breakfast I had a bagel with peanut butter and cream cheese and a little yogurt. The yogurt was really just to get me through until the bagel was done toasting because my roommates alarm clock went off at 5 this morning for some reason and I was SO hungry but had to go back to bed until 7 so by 7:30 I was starving to death. I might do that for lunch tomorrow or something...more bagels... It was soooo good. I haven't had that since FOREVER. I actually like cream cheese now too, so it was really heaven. Yum yum.

Thursday and then Friday. After 4 tomorrow everything will be a breeze. :D

My Exciting Documents

These past couple days have been a flood of Interlibrary Loan (ILL) pick-ups. Of course, that's a good thing. I was starting to get the impression they would never come in and I wouldn't have much of a bibliography.

I'm really excited about them though. Two or three are these slim, scholarly-looking volumes by the "Japanese National Commission for UNESCO." The one that came in today is particularly pertinent, being, "The Making of Compulsory Education in Japan." That IS my topic. It's so beautiful! I suppose I just feel like they look really impressive. One of them is falling apart a bit; another is in this sort of cardboard binding so it WON'T fall apart. They're just paper.

I did get one actual book in so far. I know there are books here at the library that I don't have to order out for too. That's sort of a relief because ordering out means you have to be done with them in a timely fashion and then you can't go back and check anything. You have to take all your notes (and good ones!) at once and when you send it back, it's sent back. It was almost a mistake to order all these things at one time, because now that I've received them all, I need to be finished with the whole bunch by the end of the month.

A couple of the sources I ordered were articles, SCHOLARLY articles. (I like that word, but hey, so does my professor when describing what should be in our bibliographies...) These add kick to any bibliography. The only downside is that when you order them ILL, they are copied and you have to pay a fee. Only a dollar, but sometimes that can add up.

I'm eager to start reading this stuff, but unfortunately I need to get my Yukio Mishima paper finished first, and it's slow going so far... Should go read...more...

Another golden weekend

Yeah, things were good. I had rides, spent lots of good time with Scott, played some fun video games, made strawberry shortcake from scratch, all that good stuff. We also had blueberry pancakes!! XD Tried to make blueberry scones too, but the recipe we were using wasn't good. He felt so bad : / It's ok though; we can try again in less than a week!

Last night was really tough though. He walked me back to the bus stop in the pouring rain. We arrived like drowned rats. Saying goodbye is always hard, but it's harder in nasty weather. I went to the bathroom and put on some drier clothes...waited for the bus. It got dark and kept raining. I was just feeling really really sad. When I say I don't want to leave, I really mean it! Still, a bit over the top to be crying on the bus. It IS pretty lonely on a greyhound on a rainy night though, and I was listening to this one song for a while... Hopefully I will adjust to the funky hormones from all my pills and not freak out so much.

Called him up when I got home. It's so nice to talk to him. Felt better just hearing his voice.

After that I took a shower to get warmed up and tried to do some math homework. I couldn't figure it out but then I had a breakthrough this morning just before class. Now we're doing confidence intervals. It's still pretty fun. I guess I just like statistics maybe... Of course, it's still insanely frustrating at times. Japanese was Japanese, I guess. This afternoon Marc and I are going to Target; have to arrange my insurance with the pharmacy.

...

Bravo

The Mikado was soooooo good. I'm so glad I got to see it. Some of the people at this school are just supremely talented. For instance, the fellow who played Nanki-poo was also in Assassins and I remember remarking on his great voice in THAT show. I think I like his operatic even better.

Anyhow I'm kinda sleepy and TOMORROW I GET TO GO SEE THE BOY so I want to get some cuteness winks.

errr something ^_^

I haven't had cherry cheese cake since I was a kid...

it was REALLY REALLY GOOD. I guess that justifies it. I know I'm not supposed to be thinking about it, but it really can't be cool to have cookies and cheesecake in the same day.

On a cool note I picked up some decent snacks. Fruit leather and wasabi soy beans! Score!

On a STUPID note, this Cross Cultural Training I thing is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. One 5 page essay, one 15 page essay, all kinds of other homeworky CRAP to do. I'm really resenting the fact that I'm in there, but I have to just get over it I guess, because this is important. She's also going to interview us and if she doesn't think we should go, she has to TELL the people that we shouldn't go. I shouldn't have anything to worry about but FLAMING HELL! Just doesn't seem cool.

Anyways, what else about today...

It's Wednesday. I'm glad about that. Got some work to do this evening. Tomorrow is Thursday and then it's Friday. I don't have a ride for Sunday.

Filled my Lexapro prescription but, like a true idiot, forgot to bring my insurance card.

Speaking of insurance, have to get that for my study abroad. This is reminding me all the putzy evil paperworky things that have to be done in order for everything to come off.

Tomorrow...is Thursday (we've covered that...) and I see both Camy AND Stacie.

It is a pain in the next to take half a pill. I don't think it's a good idea to cut it with your teeth, BUT a dime didn't work and it's not like I have a knife. Maybe next time I will try nail clippers...

Tomorrow is...THURSDAY and that means 2 hour classes...blehhhhh *complain complain* but it also means leaving work a couple minutes early so I get to The Mikado on time. Funny how I'm assuming I even have TIME to attend.

That is what really gets me about this CCT thing (as we shall call Cross Cultural Training from now on), SO MUCH EXTRA WORK!!! SOOOOOO much. I had the semester jam-packed as it was and now for only a measly two credits I have two books to read and a ton of papers to write and all this CRUD. Crud crud crud...I guess I have to get this nastiness out of my system because our attitude in class has to be pristine so they send us.

Oooooh speaking of sending, I was threatened today with OUTPATIENTRY. Apparently the school has rules about weight and eating disorders. So if you're less than 90% of your ideal weight you will probably be sent to Sacramento for a program. They make you eat 2500 calories a day until you gain and blah blah. And of course I made a "wtf that's horrible" face cuz I certainly don't feel like gaining ten lbs and I'm sure that didn't really help anything. Maybe it's bad that I don't want to gain ten lbs? I don't feel like I need ten lbs.

On the other hand though, I realize that I wouldn't really mind losing five and being at 100. That isn't good either. And I'm still obsessing like a banshee. I love how I'm obsessing while somehow letting myself get away with double desserts. Actually I hate it and am sorely tempted to abolish dessert for tomorrow. I don't think Camy would like that very much though. Why is it so BAD to want to be in control over what I eat? Shouldn't that be something I control? I don't feel TOOOOOO horrible about that little slice of cherry cheese cake...not as bad as I normally would (well by normally I guess I mean if I were depressed...) Anyhow. Yeah I guess, I confess, I DO want to have control over that and I WANT to be skinny as hell. Ok no, I want to FEEL skinny as hell. I AM skinny, but I want to FEEL skinny so I figure maybe if I ATE less CRAP I would FEEL skinnier. I should write some of this crap down.

Ok so back to the outpatient thing and the one hand. See, I think that would be great, to have some people decide what you're eating. They'll pick the right stuff and everything and you won't be ALLOWED to fuck up. I would've SAID "oh please please send me" EXCEPT they would make me gain weight. That I DON'T want. I would want to go and just eat what I should normally eat to maintain a healthy weight (which ok...apparently I'm not a healthy weight...sooooooooooooo but I'd like to think it's healthy...it's not that UNhealthy is my point I guess...I'm exactly half a bmi point underweight as of this morning. My bmi is 18. The low edge is 18.5. So see...I dunno...everyone is making such a big deal.) only eat it on a DIET that makes SENSE and doesn't involve cookies AND cheese cake.

It can involve wasabi soy beans tho...cuz damn. I think I'm gonna have a few of those every morning when I wake up. Start the day with a jolt XD

Anyhow, I should address this crap.

In ten minutes, I will hopefully begin some work and hopefully finish said work. I think I will go back to Target after my 1:00 appt. Since I'm already part of the way there by being at Cowell (same direction.) Then I have history at three.

I'm worried about midterms.

I keep telling myself I have to do all this extra reading and stuff for history. Reading is how I procrastinate. I just need to get good notes on the stuff. If that involves wikipedia that is cool but HELL I just need to understand. I should go over the book...

I'm beginning to wonder if not TAKING notes and just jotting and underlining was a bad idea. I switched tactics because I felt like my notes were too numerous and not really getting the essentials anyways...

bleh bleh bleh

Gotta get crackin' on stuff, so....yeah.

Whew

Yeah, it would be helpful to be less negative all the time. Blogging about things I beat myself up about is just public humiliation! No one likes that! It will also improve the quality if I try to be more optimistic.

SO

I read half the history chapter and did my math homework. I'm doing a fairly good job of keeping on top of my homework. Though I could just be working working working all the time, I do take breaks to get killed by zombies.

I kill them sometimes too ;p

Also, I'm quite proud of myself for getting to the gym. I did 20 minutes on a machine. That was enough for tonight. Listened to The Coral.

Had that iatrist appt. Going back on the Lexapro. Now that I think of it, maybe I should've never gotten off it, cuz it was after that that I went nuts my freshman year.

I don't really want to dwell on it though. This afternoon I fell apart again and now I'm feeling a bit better so we're going to go with that.

Tomorrow is Wednesday (halfway! short classes! Get ready for the chapter of Japanese that will kill us all!! ^_^) and I have a ride TO the bus stop for Friday (although it's cutting it kind of close and I don't have a ride back yet...will see about Ken. He is generally willing and a nice guy.)

The rest of the evening will be spent pleasantly showering, studying Japanese, and reading.

I wonder if I should start Militarized Streets over. That is sad because I am so near being done, but I really don't have a very good handle on what was happening. I was ahead today by having read it, and it wouldn't take too much to read it over...maybe I will. This is obviously a very important piece to my teacher, and he translated it. I feel like it will be important in the class and like I owe it to him to actually understand it. I'd also like to contribute to the conversation in a meaningful way on Thursday. *sigh* Maybe I'll finish it first and see how I feel.

Other than that I have Yukio Mishima stuff. I'm going to hold off on the Education project until after the midterm.

Anatomy of Needing a Ride (not really...i guess i can't get anymore out of that than i already did in my head so it didn't turn out so insightful)

I feel like hell.

Candy and social anxiety surrounding ride mooching have rendered me totally FUCKED for the evening and I really don't want to go to bed yet...

but of course I DO want to go to bed...horribly so. Just...I had planned on being up till 12...

I probably will just go to bed. Things just died.

I need rides for this weekend and for break.

I don't know where to get them. Maybe I will just get taxis. That seems so dumb though. Why waste the money when, for the minimal price of EMOTIONAL ANGUISH I can ride for free with a casual acquaintance.

It's getting to the point where I can't even ask people any more. Like I'll start a conversation with asking in mind and then give up half-way through. I find myself implying that rides are hard to get and hoping they will offer. THAT IS SO LOW.

I just want to see my boyfriend.

I wish I had someone I actually knew and spent time with who was supportive and available with a car. I can't stand feeling like I'm taking advantage of people. It's just worse cuz most people I know who have cars I dont' really hang out with. I just have to ask sort of out of the blue. I could contrive for it to not seem out of the blue, but that would be...conniving and evil.

HATE.

This entry doesn't really belong here but maybe I dont' care anymore.

Nobody said the syntactic forest had to have pink fairies and dew.

Here come the big bad wolves...

It's only ten o'clock

and tonight refuses to end. I could do my math homework that isn't due until Thursday. I could read any multitude of things. I could play more games. There are many things I could do.

I'm kinda mad at myself right now about eating more.

The idea of going to the gym tomorrow is stressing me out.

The idea of many thing is stressing me out.

I'M GETTING STRESSED OUT and I'm not even...

gah forget it.

----------------

Thinking about other things...

yes, I will read some more. I have two hours till bed...there has to be something I can accomplish.

Tomorrow is the iatrist appt. Should be interesting. Also tomorrow is gumbo.

And long classes.

Annnnnd more work.

I read a lot during work today. Sadly I was horribly distractable and also very tired, so I'm not sure how much I really retained.

More depressing stuff though.

The story, I mean.

Thursday I'm going to go see The Mikado.

Friday I'm going to Frisco. There are only two weeks until break, but it seems silly to not go if I can and of COURSE I want to. I can't wait to see him. Reallllly can't wait. In fact, I feel bad cuz his dinner was getting cold while we discussed it quick. *shimmer happy falls over* Yeah, this week can just get ON with itself already...

Eating pussy (attack of the entry nobody liked)

CREAMY soft SILKY rich MINTY melty PUSSY candy

No I really mean CANDY.

You knew I did anyways, but maybe I faked out some random happeners.

Closest I'll ever be though. So tasty. I bought it at The Vagina Monologues because my ticket was only 5 dollars (standing room only). Awesomely enough, I did actually end up getting a seat, which was good cuz it was about 2 and a half HOURS. Honestly, that is a little too much girl for me, esp all at once like that.

Actually the fact that I even pulled the pointless "eating pussy" joke is a little too much for me hahaha XD

I'm not that much of a girl...I mean...lesbian...I mean...I hate this entry!

(Unless a certain fellow is around. I really enjoy it then :D Sometimes even get sort of excited about it, and let's face it: if I weren't a girl, I would have no chance with him lol so if being a girl is really pissing me off I can take a deep breath and think happy boy thoughts. Boy. lol Not generic boy or tomboy or...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!! THAT ONE! POINTS!)

I told him this already, but I feel almost like I have a monopoly on him. He refuses to appear on camera and his fans are rabbling about it. I get to see him though! In fact, I think I get to see him in something like five days. I think I'll start seeing who can DRIVE this weekend for me NOW lol. Not going to have a last weekend rehap. Maybe he will come here. If I do end up going out there I will have to find out ahead of time so I can see The Mikado on Thursday. Gotta see it!

I really do not like this entry lol.

I think I will post it though, as a testament to my frustration in not being able to correctly express what I think and feel right now, at least in blog form.

*radiates happy at not too far off boy* <---That is for sure.

Also: I'm ready to continue doing homework! The break has gone long enough! Let industry prevail!

Overzealous homeworking leads to no homeworking at all...

First I was reading some more stories and got curious about soy sauce. Wikipedia loves me. Then I linked to MSG from there. It still loves me. I also found a tamari company TO LOVE ME FOREVER.

Thennnnn, even more ridiculous right? I'm trying to decide what I want to do next (and mostly trying to avoid my history text book...just so non-fiction...not my groove at the moment) and so I say, "hmm I should review Japanese" but I guess I didn't REALLY want to review, because I went to the voiceblog I like and listened to today's ep which was about potato chip flavors, clam chowder in particular. I followed a link to a potato chip website and was surfin' around reading random potato chip descriptions (not understanding more than a word or two here and there) when I found a sentence that was mostly readable AND contained some kanji I knew. Except (of course) it wasn't a compound I'd ever seen before. I looked in my kanji dictionary, on Jim Breen's WWWJDIC Server, and then I guessed the reading and looked in my useless pocket dictionary. No go. Then I wrote this SUPER LONG e-mail to my teacher in Japanese, painstakingly describing the entire process of how I got to this kanji and then asked her what it was. It was the exact moment I finished typing the question mark that I realized I should try Breen's again with the hiragana reading I guessed before. IT WORKED. I found the answer. I decided to still send the e-mail and see if my Japanese was even worth the time it spent to write it haha (I explained that too.) Hopefully I'm not the most annoying student in the history of the world!!!

I think I just had three or four hours of tangents. Never did read that history...good thing it's only Saturday ;p

Water polo puts a damper on swimming plans

*chuckle*

(I'm KIDDING o_x)

lol

Uhm...so yeah. There was a polo game so we decided to kick around a soccer ball instead. Not quite as vigorous by any means, but we talked a lot and had fun.

Probably will go see VM tonight. I was thinking about tomorrow afternoon, but once I REALLY considered it, I figure it's better to go tonight and let tomorrow unfold without a slice taken out of the middle of the day.

loo loo

Hope there are tickets left o_o

goodness

This morning awoke to find roommate departed (Taho) and sun shining. Had pb-banana wasa crackers and played some Zoomines before walking to Starbucks (had a bit of gift card left) for coffee and even decided to have a blueberry scone (which I almost regret because the ones at Java Aroma are TEN TIMES BETTER. I guess we learn...) later on. Took A Flock of Swirling Crows and Other Proletarian Writings along, read the first three stories. Random fellow asked if it was good. I certainly enjoy it. Pretty nifty cuz it's my prof who translated it. I think when I get back from Japan I will see if he would be willing to do a translation independent study class for me. Jump-start my whatever. Called Kacie on the way back to dorm, we'll swim at 2:30. Psyched! It's so nice outside. Warm and sunny. Even better than yesterday; just makes me want to play.

I'm in a really great mood. I think that week of misery must've paid off. That's generally how it goes with my moods. If I'm way up I know that I'll fall in a couple days and if I'm way down I know I'll shoot up later. Feelin' groovy today tho ne :D Gonna call the boy later and see how he's faring. Nice weather makes me wish I was there hiking up hills and playing alongside the five year olds on the swings. We had such a good walk last weekend.

It's amazing what a good mood can do for you. I still have TONS of things to do but it doesn't all seem so FRIGHTfully urgent now. I'll just do what I feel like, get it done, no problem.

Nooooo problemmm!! ^_~

Oh, the other thing I did was get caught up with the 1up Show. I had been treating it like I've been treating everything (literally) else in my life, a task on a list of things to get done because I SHOULD and NEED TO blah blah blah. What I really SHOULD do is quit making everything into a chore and let the fun stuff be fun!! So I had a great time watching this morning. Also a great time reading, and I'll have a great time swimming too because I WANT to do it and it's nice out. I'm not going just cuz I feel lazy (although there is that ;p)

Everything seems so easy when I'm feeling good. Although, there is this sort of horizonal fear that I really DO have too much to do etc etc and shouldn't be taking it so easy, but I think that is just habitual evil that can be dispensed with. I'll try to keep the happy mindset around longer.

Still even as I'm sitting here I find myself lapsing into that PLAN WHAT TO DO UNTIL SWIMMING mode where I feel like I have to give myself a schedule and get everything done and freak out and stuff. HELL. I think rather than think myself into a state of accomplishing nothing, I will go write my responses to some stories and continue reading ^_^