Monday, July 31, 2006


I got depressed and resolved myself to have a nap. Then I dreamed that:

I was riding a partly broken tricycle with an unplugged keyboard in my lap (very difficult to do...kept dropping things or getting out of control etc.) The keyboard did ...something. I'm not sure what. Anyways, I was on my way to the bus station to pick up an eminent Japanese. His name was...oh shit...what was it? I knew it till just now. Something like Hikkomuri-san. In fact, I think that was it. (Not Hikikomori-san ;p)

Anyways, I hadn't told my mom that we were hosting his stay. I wasn't sure what we were going to do with him or his dog...which was huge and would've eaten my dog. He also brought two assistants. It was in every way completely unfair to all parties involved. I wasn't even sure how I would get him back to my house because obviously he couldn't ride my trike.

I tried to use some of my Japanese, but it was proving to be not good enough, at least for his assistants. He could speak English fine, and even translated between them and me. He said he wanted to go to In-n-Out before going back home. (At this point I mentally analyzed whether I should or should not have a burger with this guy and oddly used my actual foods eaten for the past few days.) Anyhow I ended up calling my mom and for some reason she didn't seem to care.

Everything turned out fine.

Except I still sucked.

Frisbee etc

That sort of sums up yesterday afternoon. Randy and I felt compelled to get out of his apt after playing some games to escape, not only the laziness of a weekend day, but also the SMELL of some backed up sewer nearby. Yick >_<

We wandered down to Haight street and went into the park where watched people and dogs and gophers, many of them high. Threw a frisbee badly, but it was windy. That's our excuse. Actually, he did ok. I've never been terribly adept with a plastic flying disc.

After that we were not hungry enough for much, but that didn't stop us eating too much fries 'n dip at Magnolia. We're going to back on Tuesday when his friend's fiancée is working. They brew their own beer in the basement, I guess. *shrug* I didn't have any that time. Maybe on Tuesday.

Anyways, it was nice to be outside. I've gotten into this almost frightening lethargy. I don't really have motivation to go anywhere. Tomorrow the museums are free and I'm going to make myself get up and see one. Today...bleh.

Firefox is going to I will publish this now.

Sunday, July 30, 2006


So, I found this through Tohu Bohu. Basically it's like a chain. I read V's answers and then requested some questions (since that is what the adventurous are meant to do). Now I answer them and anyone reading who feels like making me rack my brains for five questions for THEM can feel free to post a comment stating so.

1. Of course you are tired of explaining, yet that’s what interviews are all about: The Nippophilia (not to say otakuosity)—what blend of ethnic pride, exoticism, good luck, good taste and trendiness led to your particular fondness for the culture of the Island Nation?

Well, it certainly started with good luck. I always had a certain fondness for drawings of a particular unnamed style. I had no idea they were Japanese until I fell in with the right crowd of geeks during high school. They introduced me to anime and the moment I saw my first subbed episode (of Slayers...*nostalgia wave*) I knew I had to learn J-speak!

Trendiness definitely has nothing to do with it. I may have become slightly more popular (in the circle of geeks) for being able to instruct others in elementary kana and the like, but I wasn't jumping any waves or anything. Incidentally, I"m not quite as otaku as I used to be. If given the choice between a book by Murakami Haruki or GunXSword, I'd gladly take the former. Although, I guess he's pretty trendy now, too. These aren't things I know before I get into them.

Ethnic pride doesn't really figure in at all, unless you suspect me of some sort of reverse ethnic pride involving distaste for America and a yearning to turn Japanese, which (while the US has it's faults) isn't the case (and so does Japan...)

That leaves exoticism and good taste. I think it's rather in good taste to have at least a slight flair for the exotic. If you stick to much to the hum drum you're liable to become BORING o_O That said, I think my friends on my study abroad in Paris thought I was all a bit crazy for spending the vast majority of my time doing J-things, as opposted to the French things we were ostensibly there to experience.

2. If you were casting a remake of Barefoot in the Park, who would you cast? Who would direct? Who would adapt the screenplay? Who would do the music? Would you release it to audiences, or just make your own copy to show personal friends?

Oooh...this is sort of an exciting one. I can't say that I'm quite as big a film buff as I like, though, so the directors and writers aspect pretty much eludes me. I think, though, I would probably adapt the screenplay and then have my friend the aspiring filmmaker direct. I actually have a friend who composes as well, and while an electronic score might seem a little out of place in a romantic could work. We'll keep it in house. Ha. Who would I CAST? Well, my sister acts, but she's not old enough for any of the parts... There is a Woody Allen movie coming out with Hugh Jackman and Scarlett Johansson. I'm curious to see how that pairing turns out. Maybe if it's good we'll have them do the couple. They're cute enough, and it'd be fun to see Hugh Jackman as a stuffed-shirt. As for the other two, I honestly don't know. There's no one I can think of who could match Charles Boyer... I'm sure David Tennant would have no trouble getting up all those flights of stairs, but I wouldn't mind having him in there as Harry Pepper.

3. How long have you been bespectacled? How do you think your life would be different if you had really good eyesight?

There was a brief time in third grade when some goofy eye doctor thought I needed glasses. My "good taste" was apparently not formed yet, because the pictures of me in the specs I picked out are HORRIBLE. Red wire-rims. Yick. That didn't last very long, however, because we learned after that that my eyes were fine *shrug* Then in seventh grade it came up again and that's when I really started wearing. I still had geeky ones back then, but not as bad as the first pair. It was sort of fun to get them because a friend of mine got hers at about the same time, so we would spend all of homeroom having contests to see who could read the highest posters on the wall without her glasses. In high school there were two or three years where I put up with contacts. In the end, though, they weren't for me. Dried my eyes out and took away that pretty frame. People who wear glasses don't need eye make-up because they're already focused on. It's nice that way.

If I had better eyes? I guess I would've been able to see the ocean better when I was doing my homestay near Nantes in France. They just told me we were going swimming at the beach, not at the OCEAN. It's entirely different! Anyways, I left my contacts at the house so I wouldn't have to putz with them in the sand. Left my glasses too, since I didn't want to lose them and didn't really feel like I needed to see all THAT clearly, but obviously in retrospect, it would've been nice. I wonder if I would look as smart if I didn't wear glasses ;p I sorta like them, anyways. You get so used to it. For instance, sometimes, if I have taken my glasses off obviously I can't see as well, so I "push up" my glasses, thinking that things will come into focus. That's real cute ;p

4. I was born in the summer of 1969; you were born in the summer of 1985. I have vague memories of Nixon’s resignation; you probably have vague memories of the fall of the Berlin Wall. What Big-News cultural, political or scientific events from, say, 1975-1987 do you wish you had been able to follow as they were happening?

That is probably the area of history I know the least about, no joke. I do, however, have at least one answer. COMPUTERS. I'd get in right away. In fact, lately I've been really lamenting the fact that I was born so "late." It would've been really cool to be an ubergeek back when things were just speeding up (err literally :D)

5. What were the five best things that happened to you today?

Well, I don't really remember well enough what happened on the day you asked, and today has only just started, so maybe we'll settle for yesterday. Unfortunately, yesterday was a rather uneventful day, mostly consisting of watching/listening to the boy play The Ur-Quan Masters. I'm sure I can manage five good things, though:

1: I took a shower (really needed one.)
2: Finished reading Villa Incognito.
3: Finished reading Critical Theory Today.
4: Had a chocolate croissant.
5: Ate a bacon cheeseburger with fries and didn't feel TOO guilty (which is especially surprising given number 4.)

Of course, there are more situational things, such as being with the boy, being in San Francisco for the summer, etc etc, but as yesterday-specific things go, that would probably be the list, I think.

TA-DA, hopefully my answers are found satisfactory. If you want questions, let me know and I'll try my best to furnish you with a handful.

Friday, July 28, 2006


I'm craving...senbei.

This afternoon I decided to get OUT of the apt, OFF the computer, and GO on a walk. I took a rather predictable route to North Beach. I was sort of in the market for lemonade at the time, but wanted to have it in a park or outside. Instead I came upon Juicy Lucy's, this funky vegan place. No lemonade there. I did, however, have a smoothie about two or three times as expensive as lemonade, but far more unusual. I'm not even sure what was in it, since I ordered a "lil' Lucy," which was basically seasonal fruits maybe something else. Anyhow, it's all crazy fresh and crazy tasty, served up in a bowl. They were playing The Penguin Cafe Orchestra, which helped create the earthy vibe.

Other than that, not much happened on the walk, at least not that I can remember. I wandered up Powell street (where I refound that cute park in Chinatown that the boy and I stumbled upon one day) to Pine and came back.

So, tonight it's the weekend. A time the same stuff I do everday : / Or maybe clean more...cuz I feel guiltier...



Thursday, July 27, 2006

As promised

The paper-tank! Sorry, they're a little blurrier than I'd like...


This is on the roof. It looks sort of neglected scenic.


Not quite forgiving myself for missing the excellent matrix of concrete chunk-filled garbage cans photo-op, but it's a bit late for that. At least I got these ;D

As you can see, I took pictures today.

I went on the roof :D

Me 'n My Monster


In other words, more new links. In still other words, THE SURF.

I posted five new links to Japanese stuff.

It's becoming more compulsive than eduational or even informative. I need to remember to READ my links, too, intead of just adding to them. All the collector's zeal will amount to nothing if I don't bother to ingest any of this stuff.

I WILL UPDATE (and the Emily's Blogs recap)

The Tip of Your Tongue is my long lost vocab blog. I really always meant to work on it, but it just hasn't been happening. I will, now, though. I'm promising you HERE. It will obviously depend what I'm reading and if there are words I think deserve clarification, or that elude my current vocabulary completely.

As for my travel blog, it remains to be seen whether or not it will ever be revived. I should find myself in Japan sooner or later, but at the moment it's looking like perhaps the latter (being, ahem, "later") is more likely. Either way, remember that anytime I leave the states, my blog will continue there. Of course, I'll leave a heads-up here for all concerned parties.

And just to leave no one out, *cough*, I'll link (as I tend to) to my 1Up blog. I LIKE VIDEO GAMES.

Thanks for putting up with a completely self-indulgent entry, although, aren't most blog entries self-indulgent? Esp mine? XD

Birthday Sushi

Last night my friend Randy took me out for sushi for my birthday. We tried a place near the apt so we could come back for cake and stuff later on. Instead of going to Sushi Rapture, which does have good stuff, we went to Nara Sushi on Polk. Good sushi and really great deals. All you can eat dinner for 20 bux, 1 dollar happy hour specials.

I'm eating leftover Crazy Roll right now (courtesy of Randy.) Last night I had miso soup and a Mountain Roll. It had, I believe, salmon, crab, and avocado, but it was BAKED. Yes, baked sushi. Who knew such a thing even existed? I had to try it. Very good, but quite rich. Not light at all. They put some sort of sauce over it too, tasty.

After sushi came cake, which I might add, turned out quite well. Scott still hasn't had any, though! He has to eat some before it goes bad! It's a magical cake, and as such only lasts a few days. Then the fairy dust (read: whipping cream frosting) goes bad. Then we just sorta hung out. It was nice to just talk and chill. Video games, movies, anime, Japanese. I FINALLY lent him the my first year Genki book. I was starting to feel guilty about that, constantly promising it, but never delivering. I always forgot! He's resolved to try to get me into Farscape, which sounds fun. After Scott got me into Dr. Who I'm kind of interested in trying out some other sci fi.

New game links

I added a couple of game links and I SWEAR there was something else I was going to say...

Yeah, I posted this yesterday but the whole internet was being totally wonky, so I guess it got lost. I remember now, though. In that wikipedia aricle about tanuki, they mention an arcade game called Ponpoko. Go play! It's not terribly original as far as gameplay goes, but it has a tanuki...

Actually that site has a lot of games in general. Totally illegit, but...uhm...*cough* oh well?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Surf

I was writing about NSMB when I started thinking about tanuki. (And I didn't imagine the scrotum fight!!!) Wikipedia is a wonderful thing.

From tanuki I found Tom Robbins (whose work looks super interesting) and Melt Banana (which could probably be called "Metal Banana.") Certainly the best item, however, is The Obakemono Project. I added it to the links and you should definitely check it out. All about traditional Japanese monsterzzzzzzz.

The boy and I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last night. I had forgotten how goofy that movie is sometimes. Hermione is everyone's mom! Harry Potter is sort of like Full House in that you watch the actors grow up. I was thinking it would be really weird to see the first movie again. Check out this pic! They are so tiny!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Birthday goodness

Happyyyyyyy! Yesterday night was really fun. The boy got off work early so we could hang out and bake a cake. He brought home TONS of presents o_o including: a cute little quacking duck (complete with bowtie), play-doh XD, The Book of Go (which comes with a board and stuffs), Stratego, Brain Age, and New Super Mario Bros.!

We were going to go out for dinner and I couldn't make up my mind what to get. Then we had finally decided on sushi, but the place we went to was closed and there wasn't much else nearby. What we ended up doing, was going to the little grocery store on the hill to get cake necessities AND dinner. I got herby chicken which I had with some mashed potatos and salad at home. Super tasty. The boy got quiche and pasta salad.

When we got home I put stickers on all the Stratego pieces (quite an undertaking) so we could play and then we mixed up the cake. The blender didn't mix as well as I had hoped, at least as far as the batter was concerned, so Scott ended up mixing it by hand. He is REALLY good at that. Stratego was really fun (I got BEAT), but it took quite a while so by the time we were done it was a bit too late to make frosting and such, so I think we're going to do it this morning. We did play some NSMB, though, and then sacked out.

Awesome-me-me-me!! A very cool day.

There were still more facebook and myspace comments this morning (including one from Rat.) Later Randy's going to come over for some cake, if it's finished, that is XD

You may notice a distinct lack of alcohol in all of this. It's true. My 21st managed to go off without a drop XD I really don't mind, though. We were thinking about going out for something, but ended up playing games and stuff. It was really fun exactly the way it was. Plus, there is always time for booze later ;p


Monday, July 24, 2006

I am teh 21

Huzzah. Yesterday finished Silent Hill 2, punked around, played some games with Randy, and returned to huggle the boy and sack out.

This morning before the boy left for work he presented me with a "SUPER VEHICLE-001 METAL SLUG" to play with. It's a paper tank. So I spent a while folding and inserting tabs into slots. It's sort of complex o_o Right now it's partially built, looking awfully broken.

Had left over pizza for lunch.

There have been a not-really-at-all surprising amount of facebook/myspace birthday comments. It's just a little strange because most of these people I haven't really talked to in years and wouldn't be hearing from them at all except for that facebook told them it was my birthday. Still good to hear from people, though.

Tonight we're baking a cake and I'm not sure what else. I'm sort of tempted to try out my upgraded ID, even if it's just at the corner store XD

Sunday, July 23, 2006

2 in 1 Harness Buddy

I saw one of these (a bear, I think) on the street the other day. It's a little kid backpack with a leash attached. I think the monkey makes the most sense since the tail is the leash. Puppies (and bears) don't really have tails like that.

You can also get the barnyard variety:

Actually, I don't think you can buy them from that site. For some reason that's just to tease... They have some here and here.

I was always a little creeped out by the child leash idea. Why can't you just hold their hands? Anyways, the harness buddies are much cuter and child friendly than this thing:

What's he looking at, anyways? I think they must have a giant ice cream cone just off camera ;D



Yesterday consisted pretty much entirely of Internet (in the morning), Silent Hill 2, a brief trip to the grocery store, and a crummy stomach ache. Wait, I take that back, I did read a little bit. Maybe that sounds like a lot, but when you think that I woke up at 8:30 in the morning and stayed up till 1 (minus a nap from 10 to 11:30), it starts to stretch.

Not that this was bad.

Well, the stomach ache was bad. That was the bad part. I felt so sick and yucky that I didn't want to do anything, not even watch a movie. When the sun started going down that helped a little cuz it cooled off and I wasn't so HOT >_< but I just didn't feel very good after dinner.

The boy stayed up until the sun came up getting the CEO up to the level cap. He said he only wanted a "little sleep" (a small sleep), a "baby sleep," but like I have the heart to wake him up!! Ok, maybe I do, heh, but not for a while at least ;p

Friday, July 21, 2006

Improbable Sighting number 3

Well, improbable but forecasted. Who would think I'd be hanging out with a friend I haven't seen since Wisconsin high school in California? Not I. But he lives in Berkely now, and since that's just a BART away from San Francisco, we had yakisoba at Tanpopo in Japantown and played video games. I thought it would be a lot more awkward than it was. A little weird, but not paralyzing. He invited the boy and I to a BBQ to be held possibly next weekend, so that could be something fun to do.

I added music links to some of the pixeljamers' stuff.

It's hot.

Gonna eat chicken nuggets and salad with the boy.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

An Evening's Stroll

Apparently I really wanted Neopolitan ice cream sandwich. This is what I learned at the end of my forced outing when the guy at the corner store gave me a quarter's break because he "knows me." We barely speak the same language, and I think he called me "baby" or "sweetie" or something, but I got my ice cream.

On the walk three notable things happened:

The first two involve improbable sightings. They happened RIGHT in a row. The first was, I could SWEAR it was, my East Asian Civ teacher. I could tell by his hair. It must've been him; how bizarre. The second was this kid who was in my study abroad prep class, also going to Japan. He was talking to an Asian girl in English, but she answered in Japanese. So, if I'm to be believed, these two people who I expected to not see terribly often, or at least not anytime soon, both passed me by ON THE STREET WHERE I LIVE within less than ten seconds of each other.

The third notable thing will seem less notable in comparison, but I've just never run into anyone seeing baseball cards out of the palm of his hand to the people he walks by. Actually, I don't think he was SELLING anything at all, but he was putting forth the minimum effort to.


Let me note here, that left-overs suck. They generally look, feel, and taste far worse than the firs time around AND AND AND they are a pain in the neck to make. We really need to hook up our microwave, because I'm SO OVER scraping a sickeningly malodorous shell of nasty off the bottoms, sides, and lips of pans. OK, actually last time Scott did it...

BUT STILL! He doesn't deserve that either.

So, yeah, I guess I should do the dishes. My reward shall be...playing through the bits of Silent Hill 2 that got lost when I died last night...


Here we go again...

Can someone just let me out of my life? I feel like I'm being chased around in circles by something...not sure what...

Something to do with college.

I feel like my education has been a complete failure. Started out so promising too...

So I can't go to Tokyo this fall because it overlaps with the spring semester. I would have to go in Spring, which I could do...but I could also probably GRADUATE in one semester if I overloaded the credits to 20 instead of only 18.

My schedule would be:

Great Ideas in Computing
Astronomy (with lab)
Economic Prinicples and Problems
Advanced Japanese Independent Study
Advanced Japanese elective Independent Study

4 credits each.

Last semester I took five classes as well, but one of them was only worth 2 credits. Even the teacher, however, noted that there was probably as much work to do for that 2 credit class as some of your 4 credit classes.

If I could do that I could probably graduate.

Then I could just be done. I want to get out and forget school ever happened.

Stupid stupid stupid.

Now I have to think of something to do with my afternoon and I certainly don't want to study...ANYTHING.

It's really sad that school is so intimately tied to learning that the rage against one can affect the other.

I'm sick of so many things.

There are also a handful of things I'm not sick of, hence I can't give it all up.

Wouldn't want to.

I think I'm going to go Gamma till my brain falls out.

Potty trained!

Ah, yes. That glorious sense of accomplishment. SWEET VICTORY! If I remember correctly I was given a popple as a reward. (In fact, I'm almost positive it was a "Baby Cribsy Popple" as seen in the "Items Guide" section.)

I definitely remember watching toilet training videos, but not QUITE like these (via The Crotch Blog, which sounds bad, but is really just...bizarre ;D) Definitely check them out!!

Nighttime episodes

I nearly burned down the kitchen. Burner was on too high for too long (on accident) and started to burn a flipper and part of the stove. Had melted the dial to turn it off so I had to twist the inside of it by using a pair of scissors. Got it off, blew out the utensil, but it was or burny or whatever that it started back up on it's own.

My metal filling came out. Big hole in my teeth. I hate dreams where my mouth falls apart.

Broken bathroom. All the stalls had SOMETHING wrong with them...sometimes no walls, sometimes no toilet, othertimes a mess, sometimes no water in the bowl, no paper, a big hole in the floor so you couldn't reach, etc.

Another longer dream connected to the second two involving my sophomore (high school) English teacher and another fellow I didn't recognize. We were all hanging out for some reason, and then an alert was called and we were supposed to head to the basement. For some reason they wanted to stay upstairs. It was a little creepy. Then we ended up going to some sort of show together, like local indie bands or something at this theater. For some reason everyone assumed I would know all the girl punk bands.


More entertainment!

What on Earth!

Tales from Earthsea

Comes out July 29 in Japan. Looks pretty cool. This time it's directed by Hayao Miyazaki's son, Goro.

Also, here is a Hayao Miyazaki film that probably not many people stateside have seen:

Also check out these very goofy little cartoons made by Studio Ghibli:
2 trailer

Now I noticed something puzzling. Apparently the "G" in "Ghibli" really should be pronounced hard? The boxset I have of Studio Ghibli films has the katakana with "ji," but in these videos it's clearly visually and aurally a "gi." In fact, in the the episode 2 trailer the narrator guy says, "Do you know what this says?" and kids all yell, "Jiburiii!" He replies, "That's wrong. The world says 'Giburi.'" So perhaps "jiburi" is right after all and this is a goofy concession to how the rest of the world would have them pronounce their own name ^_^;;

Hayao Miyazaki stuff and other related Studio Ghibli info.

Blog Nooz

1UP Club for Gamma Bros and all things pixeljam.

Added a new link: Jay is Games. AWESOME. Find sweet flash games to play :D

Also updated the link to Challenging Sushi a couple days ago so it goes to the DJs actual page.

There are more games to play and things to clean and whateverz, but I'm sleepy.


Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Distraction of of a biomed photo nature

I'm not sure what a "polarised light micrograph" is, but wouldn't it be cool if rhino's horns were really colored like this?

I, for one, would be very happy if aspirin tasted as good as it looks in this pic.


See the Biomedical Image Awards 2006 via Watashi to Tokyo.


It got on my shirt, but it wasn't bad. I took a shower and then went out (regrettably in my flip-flops; I always THINK I can get away walking a little ways comfortable in them, but that never seem to be the case) for dinner. Sketti and meatballs, followed by a bit of green salad when I got home. There's actually a lot of leftovers. It was pretty good, but not that great. I think mostly I just miss my mom's : /

I'm actually sort of impressed. I cried a LITTLE bit, but I didn't jump out the window :D I cleaned stuff and did something nice for myself. I feel sort of guilty for spending money, but I had a good dinner that I couldn't have had a home without a huge fuss and redirtying all the dishes, sooo...


Plans for the evening include setting up a study plan for the rest of the summer to get back in J-gear and playing some games. I'll probably finish cleaning off the table in the kitchen, too, since I sorta half did it and then decided I wanted to go eat.

Oh, and I think I forgot to mention that this morning I had semi-stale baguette with butter and apricot jelly dipped in coffee for breakfast. Instant Paris nostalgia. I think I'll repeat tomorrow, but scramble some eggs to go with it.


Out of it

Maybe it's the weather? Maybe it's just this purposeless murk.

Either way I'm hot and not accomplishing much (read: anything.)

I just feel all around sluggy and hot, grimy, like I need a jump start.

I get impatient with being home so much just feeling like I should be cleaning all day.

The boy is going to be home late tonight and I'm sort of envious. I guess I'm only reiterating, but I really wish I had...a job or something. Could make some friends, gain experience, feel counted on. I don't want to feel counted on to clean the house, you know? That sort of thing is better as a joint effort.

I dunno, I can't seem to get this across right. I just feel sort of useless. Being unemployed sucks, I guess, or something. I don't even know.

I just know that it's not the fact that he'll be home late that bothers me so much as the fact that all I'll be doing till then is puttering around the apt. He's going to be meeting deadlines, interacting with co-workers, putting on the finishing touches on after hours, and I'll be sweeping, doing dishes, or playing a video game.

I feel really stupid getting in a mood about it, but sometimes I can't help but feel like I should be further along in life. I'm not even out of college yet.

I guess I've always sort of felt like that, even in middle school.

And then for some reason my family thinks that just because I'm a Japanese major I'll be able to get some kickass gov translating job (that, I might add, I don't even want) right out of college, nevermind that I won't be fluent at ALL.

And then everyone thinks I'm an idiot for not taking the coffee job because I'm leaving, but I don't like being a jerk and you can't get good references from people you screw over.

It's just those damnable early evening blues.

Not sure what I can do about that. Usually in the morning, or the night before, I'm feeling ok about the next day and what I can get done. Looking forward to that good feeling you get when something is accomplished, even if it's something really mundane or domestic (like putting laundry away...) As the day goes on, though, I just get feeling kinda broken.

What makes it look pathetic, though, is that I'm ok if the boy gets home in time to ward it off. The worst days are the days when he gets home late, but it's not BECAUSE of him and it's not like I am a clingy baby who can't do without him for a few hours. He's just able to distract me from other crap, usually. If he's not there to do it, nothing else does, because I DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE V_V

That makes it seem like a huge burden I'm putting on him. I suck.

Sometimes I wonder if I should call my iatrist and tell him I get down almost everyday. Honestly, though, it's pretty obviously situational (as in I'm unemployed, confused about my future, don't have nearby friends to just chill with or feel awkward about doing so etc etc.) Am I just having a tough summer? I don't consider this very horrible (and I'm sure most wouldn't), so I'm not sure why I'm so susceptible to getting depressed.

Really, though, it's so many huge issues. Why do I have so many huge issues? One thing I think about pretty often is how I sorta wish I had never come to California. I can't say that, though, there is NO WAY. There is really only ONE facet of my experience that that sentiment pertains to, and that is UOP. I didn't need to go there. There, I said it. It was stupid. Sure, I can blame it on false advertising, but really it was just me on a whim with my student loans burning at full thrust. I love the boy and I love San Francisco, but damn Damn DAMN Pacific.

I'm so frustrated.

I don't want to work for the government. Why does everyone want me to get some "sweet set-up" with THE GOVERNMENT? Do I just have to do that? I'm not fucking fluent!

I wish I could just give up. I'm so sick of (almost) everything.

This post is pathetic. I think I'm going to go eat an orange and pretend it's a pill that makes me realize to my eternal rapture and glee that my purpose in life is to clean this apartment.

So if you haven't guessed yet...

those were the long over-due photos from my time with the Xaberdee in Castro Valley. There is also some shocking video footage of both "the elusive xav" and his not at all elusive siblings, but that won't be shown here (or anywhere for that matter.) At least, I might put up "The Elusive Xav" eventually, but only with Xav's permission. He should feel free to comment on this entry and let me know if I can youtube it or not. Then maybe the world will know the Xavness.

The Rest

I'm pretty sure this is Xav's mouth...

and this is mine, but I'm not sure why we took those.

Shoe comparison:

Xav's nose. Sort of eerie and alien. Mine looked far too much like a nose,

so I deleted it ;p

Reader Shoot 2


and less, "Hey Xav,

make a pose."

Reader Shoot

This is the series I took of Xav...

dubbed, Reader.

I like his pose better...

than mine. But then, mine was more...

Lump Shoot 2

This is part two.

Lump Shoot

They are in random order,

but this is part one of the series I call "Lump"

because that's what I look like.

The Japanese Garden 2

It all felt very...


The Japanese Garden

When you walk in...

you eventually find this,

some varying wildlife,

and a pretty flower.

A While Ago

Xav makes a funny face...

and shows off his Mickey.

We visited a Japanese garden.

Xav's pic turned out better than mine ;p