Dreams and

If you are choking on a hot dog, Dr. Freud will see you momentarily.

Restricted communication. Afraid to say something.

Choking dreams are often a fearful experience and it is not uncommon for dreamers to awaken from them.

The dream dictionaries were not very helpful, and no, I did not dream I was choking on a hot dog, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!

I sacked out around 11:30, but couldn't sleep. I even thought about getting back up and talking to Scott, but I didn't feel like I would get anywhere. It is just Tokyo crap that is bothering me. Stupid stupid stupid.

Anyways, I finally feel asleep and ended up having this dream where I was being choked. Not by a person, not by food, (hence the dream dictionaries completely failing me.) It was actually, mostly my clothing and this weird...chokey...band that was around my neck. I dunno how it got there or what I thought it was, but I couldn't get it off in the beginning so it was pretty scary. Then I got that off, but I was wearing this turtle-necky thing that was still choking me.

I woke up.

So the third example was right about THAT if nothing else.

The second dictionary may have a point...

BUT I think it doesn't take a whole lot to see that I'm feeling a little held back.

Here are some bullet points:

- My mom said you don't pay $48,000 for fluency. At the time I couldn't think of anything to say to that, but after I got off the phone I realized that that's certainly a plausible salary for someone fluent in Japanese and English. A year abroad outbound, a year of work inbound? (eventually anyways...)

- This is what "serious" Japanese majors do. It's the kids who are just there for fun who don't go. It's important.

- I was really looking forward to the advanced classes. I need those. Rehashing, while necessary at times, isn't enough to get you fluent.

- I won't be able to do a home stay again. I was very excited about interacting with Japanese kids and being involved with a family-- and not through babysitting or something.

Add to the fact that I now have to write some letter begging SFSU to let me in for fall and only found that out after taking the train out there, wasting quarters and time, etc etc.

There are still pros to staying, but last night all the cons attacked.