Friday, March 31, 2006


2nd math exam
not my time


and I think I did pretty kickass. I'm pretty sure I figured out the distinctions that were important and applied the right shiznat and all that.


Other than that, hell, it's practically the weekend. Just gotta figure out what I'd like to get done then...and make sure I do it :D

Thursday, March 30, 2006


Today summer plans have been SET :D Instead of hoping/wishing/assuming to stay in Frisco with the boy, I ACTUALLY AM. We discussed it this evening and the invitation has been formally extended. THE REST GOES WITHOUT SAYING (tho really, it's already been said.)

SOOOOO HAPPY!!!!! XD ^_^ XD ^_^ :D ^_^ :D ^_^ XD ^_^ XD ^_^


I hope I can get him to come to O-town, at least for a long weekend. Maybe that is a possibility. I will be there for my bro's birthday, but back to Frisco in time for Scott's. Which...hell, everyone needs presents lol. My sister still needs hers XD

Flipper and I are going to make a Java Aroma run this weekend. Or maybe tomorrow. If we go tomorrow though, it's almost certain that I will go again. Java Aroma is also XD

Many things are, in fact.

Feelin' groovy ^_^

Didn't fail my history exam...

I got an A-/B+. That is a lot better than I thought.


Sorry...I don't really have anything else to say...OH WAIT YES I DO.

I'm psyched cuz next weekend I get to mooch off my Japanese prof. He's going to Frisco for a conference and will take me along :D

Word! XD

A leisurely breakfast is good for the soul.

I swear, a plain toasted bagel with peanut butter, cream cheese, half a grapefruit, and a cup of coffee splashed with non-fat milk is right up there with the very best of the best of the best best breakfasts ever. It has this perfect balance of tang and bitter and sweet. It's worth eating nice and slow and taking progressively smaller bites so you can pretend it will never end...

Now I have to get some work done before class though. I WILL accomplish SOMETHING. I'm not sure what, but something surely. The easy thing would be to start the next novel for JLit, but I shouldn't be doing the easy thing. I should be doing the hardest thing, to get it over with asap: ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY!!!

I've been feeling so good lately that I don't think I'm stressed out ENOUGH. I feel almost like it will just do itself. THIS IS NOT REALISTIC. I mean, I really like not freaking out about it, but I'm worried now that I should be worrying MORE. That is sooooo counterproductive. Instead of worrying about whether I'm worrying enough or too much, I should just DO THE PROJECT.

I'm glad I can come to these conclusions all by my big girl self ;p

I need to reassess my sources. I thought I have enough, but for some reason I feel now like half of them are useless. I think the hard part is that I'm not entirely sure what my topic should consist of. I think maybe I will go talk to my prof this afternoon.

Maybe that means I should do something else now...

Or slack off...

Tomorrow is Math Exam II. I'm feeling ok about the material though. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. Chanda and I are going to study like banshees this evening, I believe. Or at least I will. And maybe watch cartoons.

I'm really into Hunter x Hunter. I mean, I've only watched 2 episodes (this time...I saw part of the show in HS), but I really like the feel to it. It's back in the day anime and I really like it a lot. New stuff is good, but classics are classics.


Pretty much my options are either to work way ahead, or work on projects. I don't HAVE anything else to do. I'm ahead on normal work, and pretty much on schedule as far as projects go. This makes it feel like I have just this wealth of free time, which really I don't. If I could get EVERYTHING done, THEN I would feel a little more at ease. I should gun it on these projects, and REALLY finish them. Then I would have actual instead of perceived leisure. Leisure to spend as long as I want at breakfast, musing on the delicate mixture of pb and cream cheese melting on my tongue...

Also leisure to watch cartoons, read the internet, play gamezzzzz...

ooh yeah! I have games!

See even right now I am just putzing around. Let's get useful! Let's get productive! Let's read a thing and write down how helpful it was for our project that we don't even really know what the topic needs to be! Let's study kanji that we've been doing for a week even though the chapter just started! Let's read the book that's not due till next week even though we're not done discussing the one from this week!

See that is the problem. If you get too far ahead then you forget what you did by the time it's time to be accountable, which is not nice. Then you just feel like maybe you should've slacked off. This is probably TRUE as well.

I should slack of SOMEtimes.

I wonder when my Jhist prof has office hours...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

A few weird dreams later...

Today in CCT, I nearly told the teacher that the website exercises were "all wonky." I ended up not saying anything at all, because I figure I can just print it out and fill it in on paper rather than mess with the broken bubbles, but ALSO because I became full of all sorts of happy fuzzies when I realized that my brain had just, of it's own accord, chosen one of Scott's words to describe the situation. NOW I KNOW that more people that JUST Scott say wonky, in fact, I can't even be sure if I heard it from him for the first time (Steve? Do you say this? For some reason I can picture you saying this...if you don't, maybe you should start...) ANYWAYS, I was happy. It made me want to talk to him INSTANTLY tho, but I had to put it on hold cuz I didn't have time for a decent conversation.

I've had the theme to Princess Mononoke in my head lately and I don't think I brought that cd with me so it's sort of driving me nuts. My mom is sending out the collection of studio ghibli movies I have, so I can just watch the movie.

Today I applied for a scholarship. (Look! Effort! *gasp*)

I also, as can be understood from the first item, attended CCT for THREE DAMNABLE HOURS. Ok, honestly, I really just FELT like saying "damnable" there, but it IS long. I don't like long classe and tomorrow is Thursday (really Thursday, not just I wake up and FEEL like it's Thursday. In fact, now I almost feel like maybe tomorrow isn't Thursday, since pretty much EVERYday this week has some point) which means 2 hour classes...which




(I'm sorry, but it can be true...some days. Sometimes class discussion just doesn't light my fire...)

Tonight I am tempted to watch cartoons, since I didn't last night. But I feel like I should read something. We'll see.

Maybe there is a compromise in there somewhere.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sore Losers

Yeah...they were going to charge me. They weren't very nice about it either. Ah well. So the order has been canceled. Boooooooo...

Monday, March 27, 2006

Shoe Update

Well, they actually DO cost $100.00, as you can see if you follow that link. They corrected it. No news on whether my order is valid or not yet, but it should be! ;p

Free shoes?

I just paid six dollars shipping for a pair of shoes that probably costs around a hundred dollars. I expect that during the processing of my order this will be drawn to their attn. Maybe I will be able to get a credit or something. Or maybe they will just send me funny water shoes. Either way that roxxorz :D

Saturday, March 25, 2006


What a useful world.

to talk/chat/chatter


Today was very lazy, yes, but I got a lot done, or at least what I had planned to. Met some cool Japanese speakers online. A boy from the Philippines who lives in Saitama and a librarian in Kyouto.

I'm a little disappointed that I forgot to take my meds with dinner. I ended up having them with a blueberry nutrigrain muffin bar with peanut butter. That actually TASTED really good, but I had one of those already today and also a bunch of peanut butter. It was a bad idea to buy those. I need to get healthier snacks. The fruit leather was sort of a pointless too, since fruit is easy to take out of the dining hall and fresh fruit is better than leather.

Also dinner sucked, so I ended up having a bit more apple pie than I would normally eat. It at least actually tasted good.

So I think the verdict is that we will just continue to try harder on food (without trying to try...harder)

Already I forsee a problem. Breakfast tomorrow is going to be very difficult cuz I have CRAP for food here right now. For lunch I was thinking peaches, cottage cheese, waffle. That sounds brilliant, but I REALLY don't want to eat muffin bars for breakfast. Probably what I will end up doing is going to the store for some milk to put on some grape nuts. And hell I'll probably buy a banana because I didn't think to grab one...cuz I'm dumb. I don't even have a spoon! GRRR

Maybe they have utensils in the deli...

I COULD just take myself OUT for breakfast tomorrow. I could put off the waffle thing until Monday. Technically it's probably better to just have an english muffin anyway. Still tastes hella good but not so massive. Technically...if I did that...then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about going out for breakfast.

Why would I feel bad?

Possible lack of whole grains...very unhealthy, greasy...etc etc


Ultimately, I wonder who will really be open at 7:30 in the morning? Maybe I can get myself to sleep in. Then I could go to a cafe or the grocery store as I see fit.

The other thing though, is that I could go get some coffee first and wait for places to open. I'm sure the coffee places would be open. At least Starbucks.

I think I have spent too long thinking about this though.

What a waste!

Tomorrow will come no matter what and it will be dealt with as I see fit TOMORROW

I don't have to see fit now.

Now, I need to get my face to stop bleeding (dangit), watch some cartoons, finish the laundry, take a shower, be ready for the phone to ring cuz I know Scott is calling, and go to bed HAPPY no matter WHAT I ATE OR DIDN'T DO PERFECTLY OR WHATEVER because my life is pretty freakin' awesome.

weird dream

Bleh. I got up at 7:30, had breakfast, punked around, read some homework, and then proceeded to get really pathetically tired. I guess maybe cuz I was sitting in bed reading or something. I dunno. But man, I crashed out for another hour and a half. Felt really good. I guess I needed it, but I'm still a little guilty.

I can't remember all of my dream, but one thing is for sure. I dreamt that part of the plot of the new Earthbound game involved some sort of axis of evil during WWII between Bowser's Castle and someone else...some other evil Nintendo character, or Dracula, or something. I can't remember. Maybe Hitler o_o Anyhow whoever it was, those two, then became allies or sold spy secrets or something to the bad guys in the new Earthbound game. So this was like weird ne?

Then I was having this laundry dream where most of the boy's clothes were clean, but mine were all dirty (like they are right now hahaha) and my mom found out and got mad. I guess cuz I told her I didn't have anymore laundry to do, cuz his was done. She was like, "I thought you said this was done! All your clothes are dirty!" She was really cracking down on the dirty laundry...whoa @_@

I guess that means I should do that today ne ;p

Friday, March 24, 2006

Another weekend

I spent the past THREE weekends in Frisco! Gosh, that was nice. This is the first time in a while that I'll have to be here. Actually I'll have to be here next weekend too, for a Japanese class project.


Today I shipped off my Tokyo confirmation paper. Had to overnight it; kinda expensive >_<

Just got back a bit ago from the Bollywood Ice Cream Bar. Five dollars (for a good cause) got me ice cream, a movie, and...ten bux? Yeah I won a raffle for a concert ticket that I had no interest in going to and this girl bought it off me for ten. Kinda happy about that. Anyhow, the movie was pretty...bad and slow. It would've been slightly better if we could've made fun of it, but even that may not have saved it.

Went shopping: peaches, pineapple, and blueberry muffin bars. The muffin bars are ok...probably too much sugar in them or whatever.

I had a sandwich to-go for dinner so I grabbed a bunch of fruit and bagel for breakfast tomorrow :D

Played lots of FFII today. Got pretty far.

Yeah basically I just had a really punk around day. Got stuff done, but then decided to take the rest of the afternoon off. That was nice, but it means I have more to do for the weekend. I guess that's fine though, since I'll be here. Can go camping at Java Aroma.

At some point I have to do laundry.


Wednesday, March 22, 2006



(Does anyone understand? I really don't...)

Anyhow...aside from that, which, I dunno where that even came from. I think it's been biding it's time in a dust bunny-filled nook for a while. What subculture is that an identifier for though? How did it start? Is it just the internet?


web webwebwebwebwebweb


This Friday there is a Bollywood ice cream party at the international center. Sundaes and a movie. Sounds like a plan. Five dollars for a good cause. Oh, I need to go request a transcript with those five dollars. Don't let me forget.

Crud it's Wednesday.


I hope I'm not screwed.
I've been reading this today. Sad and disturbing, but good in it's way.

This weekend I will write more paper sections. Today I will read a multitude of things. I'm pretty proud of myself. All that work I did over break put me in really good shape so I can afford to take things a little easier right now.

Hence reading webcomics, finally finishing BECK, and listening to music while chatting...

It seems that my roommate may once more be leaving. The room she originally applied for is open again. She seems to think she has a very good chance of getting in. If this should happen, she'll be moving not this weekend, but the next. My own place again :D Pleasant (unless of course I get yet another new 'mate.)

No Cross Cultural whatchamahooly today, which makes me smile and frolic. Or rather, it makes me relax, a lot.

The only thing is that I can't remember when my next appt with Camy is and I need to mail paperwork and transcript transcript transcript.


Sunday, March 19, 2006


I REALLY forgot how cold it is in here.


At Scott's house we make it so toasty. If we're ever even a little bit cold there are blankets and heaters and cuddling right away. Here at school the air conditioning just blows on me and there's nothing I can do about it except try to wear lots of clothes and, if all else fails, jump into bed early and shiver to heat up my cocoon.

Oddly, the heat in the bathroom seems to function very well. Sometimes it's very nice to have a nice lengthy tooth-brushing experience. I guess it's not always like that though. At least earlier it was. I went through there on my way to dinner and it was very warm. Too bad they can't route some of that nice warmth into my room...

So I just spent all that time looking at acceptance materials for CIEE. I looked at some of the more interesting parts of the handbook and went through the majority of these modules they recommended for students thinking about homestays. THIS stuff is actually helpful. It's all really good cultural information and specific examples are used to illuminate the points they make. They quiz you and everything. This sort of thing makes much more sense to me than Cross Cultural Training.

Tomorrow I will have to print out a whole ton of stuff. For starters, all this new paperwork. Then I need to take a look at all the stuff I wrote over break and see if it still seems acceptable.

GOSH and I forgot. I will probably be finding out the results of my midterms on Tuesday. I'm a little nervous about that. I told Scott that. He says I'll be fine. You know, it's very interesting; most people WOULD say that. I mean, no one will tell someone who is worried that, "Yeah, sounds like you didn't study enough." That would be cruel. But have you noticed that from some people it means a lot more to hear those encouraging words? It means a lot when Scott reassures me. Not just because he's my boyfriend, but because I think he's a smart guy and I respect him. It makes me feel really good that he believes in me. I have a least a couple other friends who fall in this category as well. *sigh...happy* This is the kind of stuff I try to think about when I get bummed out by everything. Of course, it makes me just a big ball of raw human emotion, but it's sort of nice to feel that way. Frustrated, stressed out, but realizing there are people who care about you and people you care about and that things aren't so bad. It sounds really sappy and goofy, I guess, but it's really nice...

Really really nice...

I wonder what prompted all that.

I guess all this thinking about interpersonal relations with these homestay modules. Learning more about the the way the experience works, I'm a little intimidated. In English, I am perfectly capable (ok wait, I take that back completely. It's hard sometimes to know if you are behaving well or not...) of being very humble, polite, etc, but in Japanese it is very (read: even more) complicated. I'm also worried because, while the typical conversation style of Americans is considered direct, I feel like my way of communicating is doubly so. I guess I thought of this because I was telling Scott about it. If I have a problem, I will of course be very honest and as tactfully as possible, point it out and address it. I want honest feelings, straight communication, "heart to heart" or however you want to put it. This could turn into a huge problem in Japan. I'm going to have to come up with some strategies for...talking. *cry* And ok, while this is what I value and how I try to run things, it can often be very tough. Dealing with things the right way is hard enough in ENGLISH. One hardly knows whether one is coming across well or not. In Japanese, not only will it be in Japanese, but I won't even be able to use my American judgement of what the "right way" is. I don't even feel like I have our right way down and I will have to figure out theirs! This makes me very nervous, but I'm also excited, of course. Really, it sounds like I could have my hands full even without classes, just trying to really get into my homestay. In a way, it's like an extra subject.

Wow though, this was supposed to be just a complaint about the temperature and now I've gone and spent another half hour or whatever blogging.

It's 9 and I have math that I haven't looked at in over a week to do...


A Good and Right Weekend I've Had

Here I am back in Stockton. The dining hall has fed me. My books and papers, snacks and CDs lie strewn everywhere... A little lonely, a little sad. It seemed like things were going at such a nice leisurely pace, but even a nice leisurely pace will get you where you're going in the end.

Since Scott had a press event Thursday night and got home late I managed to get ahead on my homework so Friday I only had to write a little bit of stuff about Japan. That afternoon I took went swinging in the park, wandered Chinatown, and then went down to the Metreon to play DDR. I only ended up watching though, because there were some really hardcore people. One of them was playing both double pad on heavy. He was holding himself up on the bar, which I had never seen before and thought was pretty slick, but Scott informed me that that is CHEATING and "BAR RAPING" and BAD. After I got sick of that I went back home and got REALLY ahead on homework. I read half of Snow Country, which is ok. I don't like it better than Sanshiro. I'm not sure why I really felt like saying that... It doesn't really qualify much, but...just to say it, I suppose.

Saturday we had a really good day. Very active. Lunch out at the bridge place in Japantown. Beef curry and croquettes :D Then we went to Ocean Park/Beach. It was a windy day, but the scenery was really cool. I had never really seen the Pacific before. There were lots of funky windy paths in the park and we clambered all over the place. We'd pop out on a cliff and watch the waves go crashing into the rocks. It made me think of the Toei logo...or is it Toho...I can't remember. One of those...Then we were feeling a little hungry again so Scott ordered a chili burger at this little diner on one of the cliffs. I've never experienced one of those, so I picked at it a bit even though I wasn't starving to death.

NOW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING REALLY REALLY exciting!!! We had a SUNDAE with HOT FUDGE!! I had been craving this pretty much the whole week and he knew it cuz I told him. He thought of this great ice cream place where they have all kinds of funky flavors like Thai Tea and Blueberry Cheesecake and we split a large sundae with pumpkin and pistachio ice cream. We tried to pick flavors that would be super tasty with hot fudge and I think we succeeded brilliantly.

Then when we got home there was more Invader Zim to watch and then we pretty much sacked out. Actually this whole week(end as well) there was a generous (and appreciated) sprinkling of Zim. I'm really glad he showed me :D I know I've said how much I like it already, but I just feel like mentioning it...more. XD

And Gir is spelled like that.

Not "Grr" XD I forgot about that.

Today was Sunday and we had a really good last bit of time together (for the break! for the break! O_O). Played more goofy games, had blueberry pancakes and eggs (our first and only pancake of the visit o_o unheard of ^_~), and then just chilled till it was time to go.

The BART is really great. I'm so grateful to my Japanese teacher for allowing me this cheaper, quicker, cleaner, generally more pleasant transportation option. I sat next to a Japanese family and tried to eavesdrop a bit, but the train was sort of noisy. A little teary-eyed but no crying this time. Once at the station, I met up with Mayumi-sensei and we had a good talk on the way back. :D

Ahhhh and now I must return to the world of homework and things alone those lines. It feels a lot later than 7.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Bit of a Lie In

Today got off to a very late start. It was sort of nice though. Did some laundry, watched some cartoons, ate Pop Tarts. I haven't had Pop Tarts in quite a while...very tasty. I had never seen Invader Zim before. Pretty nifty cartoon :D Grr makes me smile ^_^ All the voice acting is really good.

Somehow I managed to scratch together my Yukio Mishima project yesterday. Or at least a rough draft. I think I will turn it in and see what he thinks. Anyhow that means that I am totally on schedule. Today I will read some more of The Soil and then head out to the library to collect some info about the geogarphy and environment of Japan (2-3 pages...)

I think I might also go get a muffin tin. We have lots of baking mix since his parents sent a box full of happy things. Actually, we had quite a bit before that too. We'll have muffins coming out of our ears :D

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Three Cheers for the Boy!!!

Today Scott got a big promotion. I'm so proud of him! He totally deserves it. This will make things a LOT easier for him. Worries are flown away! :D

I met him for lunch over by where he works. We were going to try to find something a little exotic, but decided after walking a ways that the sandwich place down the block sounded really good. I think this was our fourth time there. Great toasty subs and it's not a chain! Score!

Anyhow I should probably get back to reading about Meiji era farmers...but it seemed necessary to proclaim all the happy to the universe ^_^

Monday, March 13, 2006

I miss my Parisian library card...

The San Francisco one looks sort of boring. I do have one now though, which is pretty sweet.

That's about all I accomplished today. Been reading and went to the library. Also ate. Seems like that's all I want to do. Eat. Bleh.

I have eternal munchies or something.

Bleh bleh bleh.

Well I think I'm going to venture out to the bank and then the grocery store. They lie in totally opposite directions, but that's ok. Then I can come back, do dishes, and read till it's time to start dinner.

It's Official

In less than a year I will be in Tokyo! I got my acceptance e-mail today. Of course, that means turning in money that I'm sure I'm just supposed to pull out of a hat somewhere and doing even MORE paperwork, but it will all be worth it in the end. I'm going to Japan for a year!!

It's 8:06. We stayed up too late last night >_< so attaining productivity this morning is proving difficult. I'm awake and eating a lot of breakfast. Maybe that counts as something...

Sunday, March 12, 2006

We like to bake here.

Yes we do! I love it! The fact that we like to bake, I mean. It's so great. Scott found his good scone recipe and OH, was it good. We put chocolate chips in them. They will not remain on the counter for very long.

Today is Sunday, but Scott had some stuff to do so he went into work. Not a problem at all though. I've actually had a super productive day. I wrote my first essay for cross-cultural training. Five pages about why I want to study abroad. It's done! Bwah hahaha! I snacked on some stuff, going to run to the store for some things, and then come back and read some more Mishima.

OH YEAH I also learned some Japanese songs. Both of them are in Grave of the Fireflies. Koinobori and Ame furi. VERY FUN SONGS :D


Saturday, March 11, 2006

peanut butter breakfast

Yummmm and we still have clementines left too :D

The boy is still sleeping. I asserted my wakefulness by actually getting out of bed and having breakfast. I'm not upset or anything. He'll probably feel bad when he gets up, but the fact of the matter is that we just require different amounts of sleep and that is perfectly fine with me! :D

My Japanese prof gave me a ride yesterday and instead of letting me take her out for lunch SHE took ME out. So nice! We went to this authentic crepe place. The owners are actually French. Very nostalgic. I had chicken and spinach. I wish there would've been more actual chicken and spinach and less of the super creamy wine sauce, but it was really tasty. Anyhow we got to the bus station and she offered to pick me up at BART on my way back. I get to take the train and not the crummy Greyhound! Score! She said as long as I give her a heads up she is cool to drive me. Awesome. I have gratitude like niagra falls!

Well I'm going to go read some more Mishima stuff. The goal is to have the paper done by the end of break. I guess I will just have to think of something to write. I found out that he actually wrote an autobiography (in addition to the autobiographical novel that I already read) only it hasn't been translated. That's really too bad. I'm sure it would've been worth reading...

I like Saturdays ^_^ esp at the boy's :D

Friday, March 10, 2006

Ah yes...

Feeling better this morning. Had a good breakfast, a productive math class, and now am packing. Nice to be packing. I managed to get some laundry done last night, so I have some clean clothes. Have to figure out a way to get all the books I need to bring into my bag, but should be ok.

The only thing I have left other than that is Japanese. Before that I need to shower and see if I got my check or not. I ended up asking my Japanese prof for a ride to the bus station and she said yes! I offered to buy lunch in return and I really hope she will accept because I think it would be fun :D

Anyways...busy busy, so I'll be jammin' now.

Yay break!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Yeah ok

1. Exams are over. THANK GOD. It was hard. I did not enjoy it.

2. I think I'm being a little overzealous about the eating thing. I need to chill out and NOT think about it so much. The whole point was NOT to think about it and now I'm THINKING about it.

3. I'm leaving tomorrow. This is a really really (REALLY REALLY) good thing.

attack of the unfriendly fajita!!!

OMIGOD. The only thing worst than the taste, will be if it actually makes me ill. I doubt it will. I wish I would've quit eating it. I think really the only problem was the COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PICO DE GALLO. It's not my fault *sigh* They made it! Anyhow, bleck. I think I will taste like nasty onions and stuff for the next week (sorry all) Tried to get rid of the taste with some other tastier stuff, but it didn't work. The altoid is also defeated. *sob*

I have to go study some more for history...

Had my lit exam already, went...ok I guess. I hope...

History I'm more worried about. I just don't feel like I know enough. I also have to start it early since my nutritionist appt is right in the middle of class...


In any case, once this is over I can have some fun or something.

And tomorrow I'm leaving...


Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Contemplating Wednesday

I made it through Cross Cultural training decently. I still don't really like that class very much. One of the instructors really bugs me. The whole atmosphere of the class kind of bugs me. Let's gain cultural compentancy! Whoo hoo! It just seems very fake. Not genuine at all.

I like genuine.

I tried to be genuine for a second. Addressed something that I think is a pretty complex issue, and personal today in class. Basically I wanted to see what they thought about HOW MUCH you should give up of your own culture to "do as the Romans do." It's very easy to read this question as coming from someone who expects to go and have everything catered to them American-style (which is obviously not the case for me) but I just genuinely think about HOW much you have to change. I think I probably made myself look pretty stupid, because of course people want to jump in right away and say things about how YOU went THERE so etc etc and of COURSE you'll be a bit uncomfortable AT FIRST blah blah. They didn't really get the full background and depth of my question.

Anyhow I'm not worried about it. Also I'm done with my discussion leading stint, so that is a relief.

More importantly, I've come to the bizarre conclusion that statistics is my favorite class right now. Where everything else involves lots of reading, thinking, etc, stats is just solving problems. You feel GOOD when you solve problems. I actually LOOK FORWARD to math class (partly because it's a shorter one but partly) because I want to learn how to do more things with z values and stuff. We're starting hypothesis testing and I'm EXCITED!! Math homework is like a break from all my other homework. My other homework could go on indefinitely, just study study study until you fall over, but math is discrete: "PROBLEMS 1, 3, 7, 9, 11a, 15, 19" That is all! And every step of the way you COMPLETE something and when your findings are aligned with the back of the book's findings, the world seems good.

Tomorrow is EXAM DAY.

I have to admit I'm still rather frightened. Of course I'll study tonight, not to mention tomorrow morning, and during lunch probably. Lit, I guess I will just end up being ok in, but history I just don't feel prepared for at all. I felt that way last semester for the history midterm too, but I think this time it's MOREso...


well, just gotta keep working I guess.

On the food subject, I guess things are going ok. I'm eating a ton. Sometimes it's hard to think up stuff to eat, cuz the dining hall doesn't always have good food. Today for breakfast I had a bagel with peanut butter and cream cheese and a little yogurt. The yogurt was really just to get me through until the bagel was done toasting because my roommates alarm clock went off at 5 this morning for some reason and I was SO hungry but had to go back to bed until 7 so by 7:30 I was starving to death. I might do that for lunch tomorrow or something...more bagels... It was soooo good. I haven't had that since FOREVER. I actually like cream cheese now too, so it was really heaven. Yum yum.

Thursday and then Friday. After 4 tomorrow everything will be a breeze. :D

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

My Exciting Documents

These past couple days have been a flood of Interlibrary Loan (ILL) pick-ups. Of course, that's a good thing. I was starting to get the impression they would never come in and I wouldn't have much of a bibliography.

I'm really excited about them though. Two or three are these slim, scholarly-looking volumes by the "Japanese National Commission for UNESCO." The one that came in today is particularly pertinent, being, "The Making of Compulsory Education in Japan." That IS my topic. It's so beautiful! I suppose I just feel like they look really impressive. One of them is falling apart a bit; another is in this sort of cardboard binding so it WON'T fall apart. They're just paper.

I did get one actual book in so far. I know there are books here at the library that I don't have to order out for too. That's sort of a relief because ordering out means you have to be done with them in a timely fashion and then you can't go back and check anything. You have to take all your notes (and good ones!) at once and when you send it back, it's sent back. It was almost a mistake to order all these things at one time, because now that I've received them all, I need to be finished with the whole bunch by the end of the month.

A couple of the sources I ordered were articles, SCHOLARLY articles. (I like that word, but hey, so does my professor when describing what should be in our bibliographies...) These add kick to any bibliography. The only downside is that when you order them ILL, they are copied and you have to pay a fee. Only a dollar, but sometimes that can add up.

I'm eager to start reading this stuff, but unfortunately I need to get my Yukio Mishima paper finished first, and it's slow going so far... Should go read...more...

Monday, March 06, 2006

Another golden weekend

Yeah, things were good. I had rides, spent lots of good time with Scott, played some fun video games, made strawberry shortcake from scratch, all that good stuff. We also had blueberry pancakes!! XD Tried to make blueberry scones too, but the recipe we were using wasn't good. He felt so bad : / It's ok though; we can try again in less than a week!

Last night was really tough though. He walked me back to the bus stop in the pouring rain. We arrived like drowned rats. Saying goodbye is always hard, but it's harder in nasty weather. I went to the bathroom and put on some drier clothes...waited for the bus. It got dark and kept raining. I was just feeling really really sad. When I say I don't want to leave, I really mean it! Still, a bit over the top to be crying on the bus. It IS pretty lonely on a greyhound on a rainy night though, and I was listening to this one song for a while... Hopefully I will adjust to the funky hormones from all my pills and not freak out so much.

Called him up when I got home. It's so nice to talk to him. Felt better just hearing his voice.

After that I took a shower to get warmed up and tried to do some math homework. I couldn't figure it out but then I had a breakthrough this morning just before class. Now we're doing confidence intervals. It's still pretty fun. I guess I just like statistics maybe... Of course, it's still insanely frustrating at times. Japanese was Japanese, I guess. This afternoon Marc and I are going to Target; have to arrange my insurance with the pharmacy.


Thursday, March 02, 2006


The Mikado was soooooo good. I'm so glad I got to see it. Some of the people at this school are just supremely talented. For instance, the fellow who played Nanki-poo was also in Assassins and I remember remarking on his great voice in THAT show. I think I like his operatic even better.

Anyhow I'm kinda sleepy and TOMORROW I GET TO GO SEE THE BOY so I want to get some cuteness winks.

errr something ^_^

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I haven't had cherry cheese cake since I was a kid...

it was REALLY REALLY GOOD. I guess that justifies it. I know I'm not supposed to be thinking about it, but it really can't be cool to have cookies and cheesecake in the same day.

On a cool note I picked up some decent snacks. Fruit leather and wasabi soy beans! Score!

On a STUPID note, this Cross Cultural Training I thing is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. One 5 page essay, one 15 page essay, all kinds of other homeworky CRAP to do. I'm really resenting the fact that I'm in there, but I have to just get over it I guess, because this is important. She's also going to interview us and if she doesn't think we should go, she has to TELL the people that we shouldn't go. I shouldn't have anything to worry about but FLAMING HELL! Just doesn't seem cool.

Anyways, what else about today...

It's Wednesday. I'm glad about that. Got some work to do this evening. Tomorrow is Thursday and then it's Friday. I don't have a ride for Sunday.

Filled my Lexapro prescription but, like a true idiot, forgot to bring my insurance card.

Speaking of insurance, have to get that for my study abroad. This is reminding me all the putzy evil paperworky things that have to be done in order for everything to come off. Thursday (we've covered that...) and I see both Camy AND Stacie.

It is a pain in the next to take half a pill. I don't think it's a good idea to cut it with your teeth, BUT a dime didn't work and it's not like I have a knife. Maybe next time I will try nail clippers...

Tomorrow is...THURSDAY and that means 2 hour classes...blehhhhh *complain complain* but it also means leaving work a couple minutes early so I get to The Mikado on time. Funny how I'm assuming I even have TIME to attend.

That is what really gets me about this CCT thing (as we shall call Cross Cultural Training from now on), SO MUCH EXTRA WORK!!! SOOOOOO much. I had the semester jam-packed as it was and now for only a measly two credits I have two books to read and a ton of papers to write and all this CRUD. Crud crud crud...I guess I have to get this nastiness out of my system because our attitude in class has to be pristine so they send us.

Oooooh speaking of sending, I was threatened today with OUTPATIENTRY. Apparently the school has rules about weight and eating disorders. So if you're less than 90% of your ideal weight you will probably be sent to Sacramento for a program. They make you eat 2500 calories a day until you gain and blah blah. And of course I made a "wtf that's horrible" face cuz I certainly don't feel like gaining ten lbs and I'm sure that didn't really help anything. Maybe it's bad that I don't want to gain ten lbs? I don't feel like I need ten lbs.

On the other hand though, I realize that I wouldn't really mind losing five and being at 100. That isn't good either. And I'm still obsessing like a banshee. I love how I'm obsessing while somehow letting myself get away with double desserts. Actually I hate it and am sorely tempted to abolish dessert for tomorrow. I don't think Camy would like that very much though. Why is it so BAD to want to be in control over what I eat? Shouldn't that be something I control? I don't feel TOOOOOO horrible about that little slice of cherry cheese cake...not as bad as I normally would (well by normally I guess I mean if I were depressed...) Anyhow. Yeah I guess, I confess, I DO want to have control over that and I WANT to be skinny as hell. Ok no, I want to FEEL skinny as hell. I AM skinny, but I want to FEEL skinny so I figure maybe if I ATE less CRAP I would FEEL skinnier. I should write some of this crap down.

Ok so back to the outpatient thing and the one hand. See, I think that would be great, to have some people decide what you're eating. They'll pick the right stuff and everything and you won't be ALLOWED to fuck up. I would've SAID "oh please please send me" EXCEPT they would make me gain weight. That I DON'T want. I would want to go and just eat what I should normally eat to maintain a healthy weight (which ok...apparently I'm not a healthy weight...sooooooooooooo but I'd like to think it's's not that UNhealthy is my point I guess...I'm exactly half a bmi point underweight as of this morning. My bmi is 18. The low edge is 18.5. So see...I dunno...everyone is making such a big deal.) only eat it on a DIET that makes SENSE and doesn't involve cookies AND cheese cake.

It can involve wasabi soy beans tho...cuz damn. I think I'm gonna have a few of those every morning when I wake up. Start the day with a jolt XD

Anyhow, I should address this crap.

In ten minutes, I will hopefully begin some work and hopefully finish said work. I think I will go back to Target after my 1:00 appt. Since I'm already part of the way there by being at Cowell (same direction.) Then I have history at three.

I'm worried about midterms.

I keep telling myself I have to do all this extra reading and stuff for history. Reading is how I procrastinate. I just need to get good notes on the stuff. If that involves wikipedia that is cool but HELL I just need to understand. I should go over the book...

I'm beginning to wonder if not TAKING notes and just jotting and underlining was a bad idea. I switched tactics because I felt like my notes were too numerous and not really getting the essentials anyways...

bleh bleh bleh

Gotta get crackin' on stuff, so....yeah.