it was REALLY REALLY GOOD. I guess that justifies it. I know I'm not supposed to be thinking about it, but it really can't be cool to have cookies and cheesecake in the same day.
On a cool note I picked up some decent snacks. Fruit leather and wasabi soy beans! Score!
On a STUPID note, this Cross Cultural Training I thing is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. One 5 page essay, one 15 page essay, all kinds of other homeworky CRAP to do. I'm really resenting the fact that I'm in there, but I have to just get over it I guess, because this is important. She's also going to interview us and if she doesn't think we should go, she has to TELL the people that we shouldn't go. I shouldn't have anything to worry about but FLAMING HELL! Just doesn't seem cool.
Anyways, what else about today...
It's Wednesday. I'm glad about that. Got some work to do this evening. Tomorrow is Thursday and then it's Friday. I don't have a ride for Sunday.
Filled my Lexapro prescription but, like a true idiot, forgot to bring my insurance card.
Speaking of insurance, have to get that for my study abroad. This is reminding me all the putzy evil paperworky things that have to be done in order for everything to come off.
Tomorrow...is Thursday (we've covered that...) and I see both Camy AND Stacie.
It is a pain in the next to take half a pill. I don't think it's a good idea to cut it with your teeth, BUT a dime didn't work and it's not like I have a knife. Maybe next time I will try nail clippers...
Tomorrow is...THURSDAY and that means 2 hour classes...blehhhhh *complain complain* but it also means leaving work a couple minutes early so I get to The Mikado on time. Funny how I'm assuming I even have TIME to attend.
That is what really gets me about this CCT thing (as we shall call Cross Cultural Training from now on), SO MUCH EXTRA WORK!!! SOOOOOO much. I had the semester jam-packed as it was and now for only a measly two credits I have two books to read and a ton of papers to write and all this CRUD. Crud crud crud...I guess I have to get this nastiness out of my system because our attitude in class has to be pristine so they send us.
Oooooh speaking of sending, I was threatened today with OUTPATIENTRY. Apparently the school has rules about weight and eating disorders. So if you're less than 90% of your ideal weight you will probably be sent to Sacramento for a program. They make you eat 2500 calories a day until you gain and blah blah. And of course I made a "wtf that's horrible" face cuz I certainly don't feel like gaining ten lbs and I'm sure that didn't really help anything. Maybe it's bad that I don't want to gain ten lbs? I don't feel like I need ten lbs.
On the other hand though, I realize that I wouldn't really mind losing five and being at 100. That isn't good either. And I'm still obsessing like a banshee. I love how I'm obsessing while somehow letting myself get away with double desserts. Actually I hate it and am sorely tempted to abolish dessert for tomorrow. I don't think Camy would like that very much though. Why is it so BAD to want to be in control over what I eat? Shouldn't that be something I control? I don't feel TOOOOOO horrible about that little slice of cherry cheese cake...not as bad as I normally would (well by normally I guess I mean if I were depressed...) Anyhow. Yeah I guess, I confess, I DO want to have control over that and I WANT to be skinny as hell. Ok no, I want to FEEL skinny as hell. I AM skinny, but I want to FEEL skinny so I figure maybe if I ATE less CRAP I would FEEL skinnier. I should write some of this crap down.
Ok so back to the outpatient thing and the one hand. See, I think that would be great, to have some people decide what you're eating. They'll pick the right stuff and everything and you won't be ALLOWED to fuck up. I would've SAID "oh please please send me" EXCEPT they would make me gain weight. That I DON'T want. I would want to go and just eat what I should normally eat to maintain a healthy weight (which ok...apparently I'm not a healthy weight...sooooooooooooo but I'd like to think it's healthy...it's not that UNhealthy is my point I guess...I'm exactly half a bmi point underweight as of this morning. My bmi is 18. The low edge is 18.5. So see...I dunno...everyone is making such a big deal.) only eat it on a DIET that makes SENSE and doesn't involve cookies AND cheese cake.
It can involve wasabi soy beans tho...cuz damn. I think I'm gonna have a few of those every morning when I wake up. Start the day with a jolt XD
Anyhow, I should address this crap.
In ten minutes, I will hopefully begin some work and hopefully finish said work. I think I will go back to Target after my 1:00 appt. Since I'm already part of the way there by being at Cowell (same direction.) Then I have history at three.
I'm worried about midterms.
I keep telling myself I have to do all this extra reading and stuff for history. Reading is how I procrastinate. I just need to get good notes on the stuff. If that involves wikipedia that is cool but HELL I just need to understand. I should go over the book...
I'm beginning to wonder if not TAKING notes and just jotting and underlining was a bad idea. I switched tactics because I felt like my notes were too numerous and not really getting the essentials anyways...
bleh bleh bleh
Gotta get crackin' on stuff, so....yeah.
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