Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Listening to 80s music

That's weird, huh. Well, if you know me it is. Maybe I will get used to it.

Today was all around pretty crummy. Woke up an hour early because my roommate was (I thought) throwing up. Upon further reflection I came to the conclusion that she was probably just brushing her teeth. Living in dorms, etc, you learn that many many people either like to completely empty their throats into the sink or somehow manage to gag themselves on accident... Nevertheless, I was already awake. Made bagel sandwiches, could've done with more egg and less...bagel, and maybe some bacon.

Computer class (XD) was fine except that I read the wrong chapter. It didn't really matter much because Scotty taught me binary already and I read the appropriate chapter in How Computers Work in the summer, sooooo...but still. I felt kinda dumb.

After that I slacked a bit, after running around getting papers signed found out that my petition to overload credits can't be accepted without $25 CASH fee . Fucking fee. I was cranky. I told her I didn't even know what I was going to eat for dinner since I only had a dollars so I didn't know what to do. She told me to come back when I had money. Also, there is the chance that they will just NOT let me overload. I mean, if they don't want me to graduate early, they could just say I can't...

That made me mad.

Then I went to Japanese. That made me feel horrible. I'm no good anymore. I think I burnt out...somewhere...I just don't know what to do. Not to mention the fact that I can't read the textbook she picked. The other one I got is more where I'm at, which is really sad because I would've been THROUGH it already LAST year if I was still in Milwaukee. Honestly, though, there is no use thinking about that because there is NO WAY I would take California back. San Francisco back. The boy...back. No way. I don't even want to think about it, but in instances like these, it's hard not to wish I could've somehow had everything at once.

So that got me good and upset. Then I had to go to Astro where I realized how many mistakes I made on my homework (not too serious, but still, by this point...bleh bleh bleh). I also for some reason thought he was talking about parallax, which he wasn' all. Instead he was talking about sidereal days, which, by the way, is pronounced "side-EAR-ial" and not "SIDE-real." you all know...


Hey, at least I didn't SAY it. He said it. Actually for all I know it COULD be "SIDE-real." He does say "celestrial." (Kind of like how my comp teacher says "periphial." I mean, I know no one's perfect, and it's not that big of a deal, but my ears prick every time...just sort of distracting.)

Speaking of comp class, I've got a paper due on some aspect of computer history. I was thinking about writing about retro video games, but then I thought maybe I should pick something I'm not likely to go learn about on my own anyways. Like, what's something I wouldn't be inclined to figure out stuff about without this class pushing me to do so? I might write about vacuum tubes. I was thinking maybe...I could find a book...containing some...anecdotes about people...who...used them. Or broke them. Or...I dunno what I expect to find. Something to make a really exciting essay with and then maybe I could put it on LD, too.

I'm wondering how soon new meds would affect my mood. One of my friends mentioned I seem really different (and emo.) Lately I'm very...moody. I get very square and kind obsessive when I'm not feeling good about the way things are going. I dunno. It's hard not to be upset about everything, ESPECIALLY Japanese. I almost feel like it's a lost cause, which is bad.

Shouldn't think about it.

So, I had this great chocolate mousse for dinner and then, minutes later, remembered that they are having S'MORES tonight at some informational meeting that I don't really care about, but could have attend for previously mentioned chockamallow goodness. Ohhhhhhhh well. My roommate wants chocolate and had a slice of dried mango instead. It's all relative.

Scott and I decided last night that as far as the world goes, we're both doing pretty damned well (even though we're both kinda down and pining away.) I should just be happy with that, I guess, not complacent, but happy enough to KEEP IMPROVING things instead of getting dragged down.

Speaking of...all that crap. I think I need to work on my perfectionist/completionist instincts. I'm not completionist in games at all, but in other things I feel off if I don't have the sense that I got all there is. I was thinking about this in regards to Japanese after writing in my 1up blog about reading (like the news and blogs and...1Up lol). I need to stop trying to find "THE BEST METHOD" and just pick ANY method and study GOD DAMMIT. If I allow myself to be paralyzed by the lack of a "PERFECT METHOD" then I will never ever ever learn anything and continue to hate myself for my lack of skillz.

Uh...*dumps contents of brain with an unhealthy sounding "plop" into her blog*

That should about do it.

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