Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Feels like midnight

I'm not sure why it feels so late. It felt really late when I got off of work. I took a long shower, so I'm mostly clean now. Long day.

Everyday feels so long.

Yesterday was an eternity.

I always look forward to talking to Scott at night...so basically, I'm killing time till that. All my homework is done through Thursday. I'm so on top of everything it's scary.

Tomorrow is my first day of tutoring.

OH, but last night I had the worst dreams >_< Tough night last night, in case you hadn't heard... I finally got to sleep after flipping out a bit, but then I had these really bad dreams. For example, in one of them I got cancer, and it was this really horrible cancer that depended on me getting my period (one of those familiar horrors). If there was a way to stop me from getting it FOREVER, then I wouldn't get the cancer (and, consequently, wouldn't die from it.) Yeah...you can tell how I feel about it. There was another one that I probably shouldn't mention here, since it's semi-public. Well, it's totally public, but that doesn't mean the public shows up. Either way...

So, after that debacle in the morning (which of course will last forever...you can't really take that back) I ended up at the health center getting refills on pills. I asked if my iatrist was around cuz I wanted to check to see if he thought maybe the Wellbutrin was no good for me and thus started this whole process of getting really upset since I was still not really over that e-mail fiasco and everything. My therapist from last year saw me and asked how I was and wasn't I supposed to be in Japan, so then I'm crying, you know, cuz I'm sorta fragile these days. So then blah blah that and then my iatrist and he put me on ANOTHER PILL. He wants me to wait out the Wellbutrin a few more weeks to see if it works. In the meantime he put me on this other thing that I don't really want to take. In fact, I told him I would just wait it out, and we kinda both sat there silently mulling it over. In the end he prescribed it. I probably won't take it, though.

I ended up being late for class, but not missing anything. Group presentation went fine. Then I gave my prof my late note and told him I got held up at Cowell and he was like, "So what's wrong with you?" which is a very tactful thing to ask. He said it was probably being away from home and that it was good I have a place to escape to on weekends and holidays blah. He assumed I was a freshie, though, which is funny.

Lunch was ok. Not very eventful. I had some watermelon, as has been my habit of late. It's sweet enough that even if I want dessert it feels sort of pointless since the taste in my mouth is already so sweet...

The astro lab went fine, I suppose. I think my lab partners are friends, so they usually have their camaraderie going and I sorta do my own thing and we compare numbers. I don't much like numbers. Concepts, yes, numbers, no.

3 and I met at 3 to do Japanese, which was mostly just hanging around. We did study some kanji, though, and talked about vocab. This continued for about two hours. Good fun.

Killed some time on the net before heading to dinner and work. They did Thai curry and it wasn't too bad, but the real thing is better. Chocolate frozen yogurt. I read all three chapters for Thursday, finishing out Lijphart. LOTS of numbers. I took statistics last year, which gives me the vaguest of vague idea of what he's talking about (significant at the 5 percent level yab yab yab). I'm not sure what I'm going to write about it, but hopefully on Thursday we will have some good discussion in class to point me in the right direction. I'm planning to do the paper on Thursday afternoon so the weekend will be mostly free. Maybe a little reading, but that would be it, I think.

The weekend. Yep yep yep Tuesday is done. The moral of last night's story is don't go to bed until you're sleepy. Hopefully I'll be sleepy at about 12:30 so I can get up at 8:30. I wish I could always talk to Scott right before I go to bed. That way I feel really nice as I'm falling asleep. Last night, I'm not sure what happened. I wasn't tired enough and I started thinking all these horrible things. I think I said that in a previous post. Just pessimism with no reason. I need to get rid of that. All those stupid "What if..."s with no basis in anything. It's horrible. I'm going to stop thinking about it because, yeah, it sucks and this afternoon I've been pretty ok. The evening is usually the bummer because there's less to do and I wish I could be talking with Scott, or better yet hanging out in the apt doing whatever it is we do. I miss being there.

So we have Wednesday, Thursday and two classes on Friday before I head out on the train. I also think that I'm going to try to go more often this semester than previously. Since I'm making something like almost 80 bucks a week (I dunno what taxes they take or whatever) and also will have leftover money from my summer job check (which was almost 100 more than I thought it would be) I should be able to afford it. Just thinking about that makes me so happy (I want to cry. How stupid is that? lol Hormones are dumb.)

Boy, I talked an awful lot about an awful lot of nothing! How do I do it? What's my secret? Ha! Like I'd tell you ;D

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