Yeah, in case anyone's missed it, I've been in quite the fucking mood lately. So now that I'm SICK on top of it, we might as well just give up. It's freaking 3:30 in the morning. I managed to sleep for a couple of hours, but now I'm wide awake. Can't sleep. Feel worse than I did before. My throat is bugging the hell out of me. It's not even that bad, it's that it's irritated (sort of like me) so I have to keep swallowing all the damned time which is bothering my stomach (and me.)
AND I'M AWAKE.
And there are people cackling outside.
And I have to go back to school in like 16.5 hours. (God, I almost said, "home." Don't let me do that. I'm not even hanging up my posters cuz I freaking hate it.)
On a train.
To do more work.
And I don't even have a ride yet...
I think I seriously need to let some shit go, but I'm not very good at doing that. I was doing a really good job this weekend. Even wrote my paper without too much of a fuss. Generally feeling a lot better than I had all freaking week at school, and then I had to get sick.
I'd like to blame my roommate and hate her, but that wouldn't be nice and of course, there's no way to prove it's from her.
I had a dream where I was being really mean to my mom and my sister. For some reason they were bugging me about the name of this band I liked (it was playing...I don't think it's a real band) and I couldn't think of it (probably cuz it wasn't real) and that was really making me mad. And it was making me mad that they kept asking, making me feel stupid. Basically I was just being an all around jerk, to everyone. I realized that's pretty much the way I AM right now, at least to myself and my blog (and not knowing the answer to the question? How about fucking too difficult Japanese and astronomy and politics etc etc infinity?) I feel like I'm acting really dumb about school and everything, but I'm just genuinely not happy there. I don't feel like it's something I should hide, but at the same time, it just seems really immature to mope about it. Get over myself, or something : /
I took some cough medicine because I thought it would maybe help my throat. No such luck. I was hoping maybe it would make it so I didn't have to swallow every 2 seconds and make my stomach feel crummy. And maybe make me tired.
Technically, I should be drinking water, but I don't want to just drink water and pee all night. I should be SLEEPING. Why am I so damned awake? Scotty is sleeping, or at least resting well. Why can't I just follow a simple example and leave my brain on autopilot for a while?
Everything sucks ten times worse when you're sick. Always puts me in a really rotten pathetic mood. I should just GET OVER IT and concentrate on feeling better, but it seems sort of futile, since I JUST got sick today. See, I'm just getting depressed now. It only takes something as simple as that and I hate school, don't want to leave, feel like a pathetic loser, and hate myself for writing it all in my stupid blog that was supposed to be talking about how great it is to be learning so much Japanese...