Today has descended into the dark crevasse.

I haven't been so lousy feeling in a while. Plus, I feel bad for feeling bad because I'm not accomplishing anything and I'm no fun.

This afternoon I dragged myself out to the bank to some anime music. I felt ok for the first...ten minutes. After that it was just a slog, and then a slog back. Slog, slog, slog. I stopped at Target to see if I could figure out a cold or allergy medecine that would address my specific symptom. I even called my mom AND ask the pharmascist. I left with only my tissues and Grape Nuts and tried not to cry about it. (No...really...that's how stupid I am.)

I dunno what is up with all the stress lately. There is really no reason to be this worked up over ANYTHING. I need to relax or something. To that end, I played some mindless video games this afternoon for an hour or so. It didn't help. Actually it probably hurt because I haven't been up to anything productive SINCE then either, so it seems to have validated my funk.

Like my funk needs validation.

I didn't sleep very well last night and I don't feel that great now. I'm beginning to wonder if it's all just psychosomatic. That is scary though, because then there really is no way to stop it.

I kinda hate myself right now V_V

But only because I don't want to be this way! I try to think about happy stuff like the boy, but that only makes me worry that I won't be able to shake this crap and be a loser all weekend : / Usually just being with him puts me in a great mood, but if for some reason I was just a wreck still...that would suck. I would die.

I should go study for my stupid math test and read Sanshiro. I was thinking maybe Sanshiro would at least let me forget about stuff, but I can't bring myself to pick it up. I really need to be doing SOMEthing. For the past hour I've been sitting here playing stupid games and listening to The Cure (for the first time). Just glad that I'm not in bed crying... I might as well be doing that though, for the amount of stuff I'm getting done.

Well, I guess that's enough of this. It's not helping, only making me feel more pathetic. I hate feeling pathetic.

Please nobody hate me for this.