Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Emo Interlude

EDIT: I'm never gonna be able to remember all the produce codes.

I feel sort of like my life has been cut in half, and also sort of like all this rice isn't really a good thing for me.

Maybe it's ok.

I dunno. In the morning I wake up, have breakfast, send the boy off to work, putz for a couple hours, and have lunch. Then I hike to J-town, do the grocery store thing for 5 or 6 hours with a rushed dinner break, come home and putz. I have a snack eventually and sack out at some point.

THAT's what I do all day, all the while feeling like my Japanese is a lost cause.

And I also feel really weird, like something is off or disconnected. The boy and I are good, but I'm worried we may just start...co-existing or something. Like, very blandly. It's sort of a horror.

And I've been worrying about stupid things lately and I'm sure it's just stress from the job. I never have done well having a job. Blockbuster and Quizno's always just had me feeling a little wrong, even if I was having an ok time. Why should having a job have to make me feel so weird always? It would be stupid and irresponsible to NOT have one. What if NO job ever makes me feel good? What if everything just stresses me out and turns me into a square grouchy pill who snaps at people for no reason and worries that rice is bad for her? Or that three cookies is too many? Or that her freelance isn't good enough?

Tomorrow is my day off and I'm not sure what I will do. Obviously not grocery store things for five or six hours, so I'll have to come up with something. Maybe some WoW. I also have some dumb paperwork junk to take care of, medical and residential...

I need something to look forward to. Hopefully the boy and I will do something good together this weekend.

Dunno why I feel so sad.

1 comment:

spades said...

she's looking for spices?
Maybe, you feel Transitional, and without crisis. You have respectableness.
you are doing fine, and you have a job'