very irritable

I’m incredibly pissed off right now. I wanted to go biking and my bike is messed up but I didn’t want to bother the neighbors like my mom suggested. SO SHE CALLS OVER THERE AND SETS IT UP SO HE’S COMING OVER IN LIKE A HALF HOUR TO FIX MY BIKE.

That makes me want to break windows and get blood all over everything and jump off bridges.

I’m really stressed out right now. I should just forget exercising. (which of course I realize is the exact OPPOSITE of what I should do…we’ll consider)

Everything goes out the window when I’m at home. I just totally lose control of everything and it pisses me off. I can’t eat when or what I want, I don’t get enough exercise cuz there’s nowhere to walk to like in the city.

I will not be able to live in suburbs unless they are very close to the city and I commute there everyday.

I even make up bullshit excuses about flossing when I’m at home.

I can’t stand being here.

It makes me mad but what can you do…

Get mad I guess…

And being in California will be so hard at first. I hope I will survive the dorms. I really do…cuz that sort of stress on top of general stress and not having classes yet and being a bit out of my depth as I’m sure I will be coming into such an intense program from basically…not much…

Blah

Let’s just be totally self-absorbed for a moment…

Isn’t that what blogs are for?

Being totally self-absorbed and feeling like shit and treating everything and body like dirt when they don’t know except they read it?

Nah…I dunno what I’m talking about.

Sometimes I just hate everything…

You know my whole family gets panic attacks, my mom’s side anyhow.

I wonder if I’ll graduate from this into that.

That would suck.

I guess I won’t worry about it.

*fake smile*

What to do…mom suggested a walk…until then she called the neighbor…

GOD

That makes me mad.

I really hate that.

I didn’t want to bother them so she goes and makes it worse by bothering them FOR me…cuz I can’t do it myself? No cuz I didn’t want to goddammit which was the point!!!

I also have no purpose when I’m at home.
I wish someone would bust me outta here…