i hope A likes me. we spent a few hours together today and it was really nice, had brunch at this great place (egg burrito for me...yum yum...), walked downer...then to coffee. the cafe we were at...actually consists in part of my old apartment. it's really bizarre. it's been all redone of course but how strange it is to sit and look out from a new place on the same view. my bedroom floor is now a hole...where the stairs come up. anyhow we sat up there for a while and talked. it is definitely one of my new favorite hang outs...he was super nice too...wouldn't let me pay for anything...chauffered me all over the place, called to make sure i was able to get on my bus home. really groovy guy.
you'd think i would know myself well enough by now to know that i get too serious too fast (emotionally and whatever) to even be thinking about two guys at once. even tho i know it now it doesn't change the fact that i think i hurt a dude. i guess i was too selfish to think that someone would crush on me back...? which sounds really arrogant but that is sort of what happened. i didn't expect this guy to like me. i just e-mailed him to say hi. anyhow if i hung with him now i would just feel guilty. it's like cheating on myself. if i'm really pursuing A then i HAVE to necessarily not talk relationships with anyone else; it's just a given.
*sigh sigh sigh* i feel like a horrible person
really tho...unless you both escape unscathed it's either one or the other...i get destroyed my fair share of the time i think.
let's hope not THIS time...
(don't we always)
so i'm 20 today. i also totally feel my age. i do when i do stupid stuff like this.
so i guess eventually we will go to the lake and have hamburgers and cake...and ice cream? mom also bought frappecino's for the morning. i think as long as i have just a bit of cake and a taste of ice cream things should work out. i dunno. i hate thinking about food.
and then monday we're having pizza cuz it's quick i guess...either that or fast food on the way to mke...
bleck
and i'm hungry again....
that just makes me mad...
it is stupid to eat crackers, even four
it is stupid
what's funny is that as much as i mean for this blog to have a focus...it really just won't cuz it's just a spot to write about whatever and my mind you will find, has themes...
blah blah blah blah blah
blah
right now i feel crummy i feel so completely gross and awful and i just want to be happy about A. i like him so much...
gonna go to bed @_@
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Hey emily. I'm kind of depressed, because I only have $6 in my bank account. I feel so ridiculously poor right now. I'm kind of afraid to tell my mom, but I think I'm going to have to. I don't know why I can't manage my finances...It's just so tempting to spend spend spend...
Anywho, I was thinking of transfering to Madison again. I don't know why...I love UWM, but Madison sounds so much more tempting because of their intense Japanese state...But what do you think? If I transfer it would be the fall semester of my senior year. So shouldn't I just stay at UWM and finish it? I don't know what to do. The Language part of me wants to go to Madison. But the practical part of me wants to go to UWM. Plus I'd graduate with Honors, and I'd feel mighty proud of myself to do that. And I guess the graduation thing is kind of just a pride thing. But I guess if I transfer to Madison, I'll graduate from an even more prestigious school and thus be even more proud (?).
Heh, well, I think I might apply Come September, just for the hell of it. Who knows what I'll end up doing, but if I am going to do it, I must apply as soon as possible.
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