stressssss

Looking at all my notes for my EAC research paper is no better than looking at my stack of sources (which isn't really all that many...and probably not enough). Flipper and I went to the library today and she checked out a book about asian philosophy. The first sentence of the preface is, "This book grows out of a perceived need." That makes so much sense to me. Why just recapitulate? Why write stupid research papers that aren't even really research papers?

I wish I could print my notes out and LOOK at them. It's too hard to have it all on the computer. I need to organize things. Also though, even though I can summarize all this stuff, the point is to come up with a thesis. Every time I have to do that though, it ends up something really fake and pointless. One of these, "This is important cuz.." only phrased cleverly enough to fool professors into thinking I've done some great scholarship. Actually that's not even true; that's giving myself far too much credit. Because really, when is the last time I did a research paper? Eons ago! And I've never done one with a thesis. It was always just "give us some facts" blah blah and make sure you cite it all.

The other problem is that I don't even really understand the material all that well. At least some of it has me totally mystified and there is no one to ask. The whole point is that I am supposed to be finding things out that other people may NOT know (I suppose?). I'm pretty sure my teacher has never heard of kuntenbon and it's doubtful he knows the what -w- and -F- mean.

I feel sorta doomed. Technically as long as I write something I should be able to get a grade of SOME sort. Even a D isn't failing right? That doesn't seem like a very good outlook, but I guess I just have to be convinced that the right thing is to do myself the dishonor of writing some bullshit and getting whatever lousy mark I can.

Anyhow...

time to swim!