happuh

so there's a door decorating contest with cash prizes...hum hum...gotta think of something creative and workable...

thanksgiving rocked. food was killer (literally...lol but it's ok) and i played a lot of cards with flipper's bro. we also played video games, listened to a variety of music (cake!) and what else...uhm...stuff 'n stuff. OH we saw Harry Potter and drove a lot...watched Benny & Joon (finally) and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels...

school is...school.

i should be writing a paper as usual...

but hey...i think we've got like...19...18? days left? something like that.

word

the weather is kinda lamentable right now. cold and wet.

speaking of wet i figured out why i don't really like the history lectures as much as i COULD...they aren't dry they are SOGGY. ha! yes! that is it exactly...

yesterday i watched kung fu hustle (the end too) and took notes...also hanabi...well i kinda fast fowarded through most of hanabit cuz i've seen it twice...but i took notes on the violence. hopefully i can whip a paper out of that this afternoon/night/tomorrow morning. lol X_X *cry*

anyhow i'm outtie there are many things to be done around here...

compilation

i don't remember a lot of it but the parts i do remember were weird enough
ruususokkusu: i was in i think...maybe paris again...or some big city with a metro
ruususokkusu: and we were at the a station waiting looking out the windows and the sky was looking really creepy
ruususokkusu: like really dark
ruususokkusu: and then in one direction it was this really pale blue...like too much sun but being sorta covered up quickly by this swarm of big black clouds
ruususokkusu: and suddenly they were rushing at us really really fast
ruususokkusu: and they turned into these demon things with fire eyes and they were swooping down and at first we were like ha we must be dreaming some joke this is
ruususokkusu: but then the windows all broke as it crashed into us and we were like shit it's the end of the world for real
ruususokkusu: later tho i guess we ran away
ruususokkusu: cuz i was sitting on the couch with this boy i guess he had been with me i dunno
ruususokkusu: and he was...see i have this thing about THE boy...like an ideal...genuine...boy and there are these certain qualities and i'm not even really sure what they are...very esoteric...but this was him...in the flesh. THE BOY
ruususokkusu: and he's somewhere between like 12 and 15 years old right
ruususokkusu: but we have this like...cosmic connection
ruususokkusu: really bizarre
ruususokkusu: and suddenly i know i've gone back in time...
ruususokkusu: like...
ruususokkusu: i just all of the sudden realized that i was in the past and that when i got back to the future i would still know this boy only he would be much older...say like...40 or something
ruususokkusu: and everything was so weird
ruususokkusu: sitting with this boy on the couch...and he put his head on my shoulder...and it was almost like i was his mom
ruususokkusu: but i wasn't his mom
ruususokkusu: cuz in the future i knew i would meet him and we'd be together
ruususokkusu: it was soooo messed up
ruususokkusu: this one was really intense
ruususokkusu: freakin' end of the world and then this boy/man
ruususokkusu: it was the strangest feeling
ruususokkusu: "cosmic" is the best word i could come up with
ruususokkusu: i've been having lots of dreams lately about connecting with people really deeply

---
when he was there on my shoulder
ruususokkusu: all i wanted was to keep him safe and happy and like...be his mom, take care of him
ruususokkusu: but then in the future, all i wanted was for him to take care of me
ruususokkusu: it was like the most mind-boggling thing to feel both at once
ruususokkusu: like being an embryo or something lol
nymphofwould: *laughs*
ruususokkusu: no really it's the most bizarre thing in the world
ruususokkusu: i couldn't tell if he knew or not tho
ruususokkusu: yeah
ruususokkusu: it was really cool
ruususokkusu: and then i woke up x_x
ruususokkusu: lol
ruususokkusu: my dreams have been emotion-packed lately

sunday

breakfast was a disaster

i'm downloading music

and

gonna write that paper

i guess the pool is open this afternoon but i dunno if i want to go or not

i should force myself to

before they close

like if we get in at 3:30 that would be good

swim for a half hour and then get out...wait for dinner

go eat

i think i might like Settle

you can go listen on indie-music.com

which i know that sounds so lame

Emily wants different music so she searches for "indie" and comes up with the first thing which is probably totally counterintuitive but really it's not cuz anything new is new and i'm not terribly concerned.

i got all the free stuff on pitchforkmedia too...which...some of it is pretty sweet

yeah between beck and questionable content i have a guitar crave going on

maybe it's a new era. i think i will trade in my old sax maybe. the student one. probably not worth that much...but i bet i can get it to go pretty far on a guitar.

i guess we're gonna go for a walk instead.

but where? we could go to the mall and spend money on stuff

or we could go get ice cream or coffee or something...

but that all involves cash and/or sugar

and breakfast was a disaster

bleh bleh bleh

and this stupid paper

STUPID

last night i chatted till almost three in the morning. was fun.

i'm out

stressssss

Looking at all my notes for my EAC research paper is no better than looking at my stack of sources (which isn't really all that many...and probably not enough). Flipper and I went to the library today and she checked out a book about asian philosophy. The first sentence of the preface is, "This book grows out of a perceived need." That makes so much sense to me. Why just recapitulate? Why write stupid research papers that aren't even really research papers?

I wish I could print my notes out and LOOK at them. It's too hard to have it all on the computer. I need to organize things. Also though, even though I can summarize all this stuff, the point is to come up with a thesis. Every time I have to do that though, it ends up something really fake and pointless. One of these, "This is important cuz.." only phrased cleverly enough to fool professors into thinking I've done some great scholarship. Actually that's not even true; that's giving myself far too much credit. Because really, when is the last time I did a research paper? Eons ago! And I've never done one with a thesis. It was always just "give us some facts" blah blah and make sure you cite it all.

The other problem is that I don't even really understand the material all that well. At least some of it has me totally mystified and there is no one to ask. The whole point is that I am supposed to be finding things out that other people may NOT know (I suppose?). I'm pretty sure my teacher has never heard of kuntenbon and it's doubtful he knows the what -w- and -F- mean.

I feel sorta doomed. Technically as long as I write something I should be able to get a grade of SOME sort. Even a D isn't failing right? That doesn't seem like a very good outlook, but I guess I just have to be convinced that the right thing is to do myself the dishonor of writing some bullshit and getting whatever lousy mark I can.

Anyhow...

time to swim!

koyuki wannabe

*Beck spoilers...minor...*

So...I've been watching Beck and I really think Koyuki is great. It's not just him though. All those anime fellows in ganbarou mode. I feel so lazy and useless. What am I striving for? Who are my comrades in the struggle? I mean it's not that I don't have goals or friends...it's just that I don't have that overarching connection. Spirit...something. I think anime club is the closest I will come to having something like that. So I'm trying to get better at being an anime fan...

Don't forget Sena either...aishiirudo-kun

;_;

I wish I had friends who had the same things in mind so we could all ganbaru together...

Anyways...what else...it's nearly time to sack it. I have so much work to do the next four days...

Then before I leave I will grab a novel, altho i'm not sure what. nothing to do with school though...just something...cool. like ideally...i would get Cloud Atlas. That would probably involve buying though. which...i mean technically that wouldn't be the end of the world. it's probably like 12 bux...but...maybe after these stupid four days i deserve it?

(like i deserved the ds and the dvdrs and all that stuff?)

no buying stuff anymore. next semester i will be allowed dvdrs but i think that is about it.

anyhow...

whatever this entry is so over ;p

dreams and desires

Lately I've been having lots of strange dreams. Some of the less avant-garde things I can remember ok...

The other day I met a guy (in my dream) and we were walking to a basketball court. He said, "Hmm I wonder if I could pick you up," then faked like he was going to try while I said, "Well...probably..." and then he decided instead, "Nah you just need to walk faster! Girls are so slow!" but he was teasing. Really awesome guy. I was really attached to him in the dream so I guess that's why I was so unhappy to wake up.

Anyhow we arrived at the basketball court and it was all dirt, on the seaside or somewhere surrounded in part by these high sandy brick walls. (kinda yellow) and there were rocks leading down to the water...well not really leading...just sorta bordering. The ball kept going through holes in the wall and fall into the ocean. The hoop would break off and fall so we'd have to climb very carefully down (since the rocks were liable to slide and fall too).

Interesting.

So then last night, I dreamed...well the first thing I dreamed was that I was back in Paris. I was really excited to go to the MCJP (they have that monster exhibit on) and anyhow it was just a really good feeling. I remember looking for a house or something and for some reason hoping my old room would still be available but we all knew that was impossible and also that the people there weren't that great to deal with in the first place. Who was I with tho? For a while there was this older fellow and some other person. But later I was with a friend from elementary school whom I haven't seen in years.

Then the dream changed and I was babysitting a whole bunch of kids. It was weird. It was really like a montage succession of babysitting jobs. All at the site of this river. Which oddly enough now that I think of it was actually the big hill at my old house...we lived at the top of this huge hill in the road. The driveway came winding out and then you turned left to hurtle your bike down this thing and you'd just fly. Anyhow in this dream (and actually in one or two others I had a LONG time ago) this road was a river and not a road. The main thing tho was that the kids kept falling into the river. I was with someone else too...maybe Flipper? No cuz Flipper would've been faster and smarter than me at rescuing. There was someone else there who tried but I always beat them to it. Anyhow the kids would fall in and go under and I'd have to jump in and save them and the water was moving really fast (down the hill...but I guess not really as fast as all THAT cuz that hill would've been more like rapids or falls) I dunno how many kids I saved. At least three. They were all fine. Everyone I guess held their breath pretty well or something...

This morning I was thinking about high school band. I would give almost anything for a 5:30 with the wind symphony. Back in the day, just like it used to be. I'd practice so hard... I'd be totally prepared and we'd wake up all super early and complain about it even though we liked it. At least I did. Beating the crack of down and sometimes the lake would be doing that steaming thing when the water is warmer than the air. Eerie morning scenes. Looks like ghosts or something filtering up through the H20 molecules. I guess I always would've rather played with the brass but sax was the instrument so it woodwinds it was. The flutes would be skittering around somewhere up there and the bassons would be a bit behind. We all tried so hard but I guess sometimes it really was "like nailing jell-o to a wall" ;p Our band was good though, I'd say. Well plenty of people would say. I never wanted high school to last forever, but high school band I would've taken in some form for the rest of my life if I could've. : /

Last night Flipper and I talked forEVEr about all sorts of stuff lol. It's pretty cool. We decided to skip tai chi (sorry kevin) cuz we stayed up sorta late. Not really that late, but in the tai chi context it was definitely too. Breakfast was banana with grapenuts and a mug of decaf coffee splashed with milk. I'm studying with Lex at 9 and then swimming at 10. After that there is a Japanese test at 11 and then I will have lunch I suppose...if I'm hungry. I'm going to have tomato soup with ham and provolone on rye (assuming the correct ingredients for the sandwich are present.) If not, I'm not sure what I want. I guess they have tortellini marinara today which sounds sorta good, although I'm having pizza for dinner (hopefully sausage, green pepper, and mushroom, but I'll settle for pepperoni as the meat if that's all they have.)

I have a lot of stuff I was supposed to get done today (and yesterday) but I guess I'll just get it done as I can. I'm trying to get all my break homework done too, although technically I could bring some things with me to Jean's and not worry about it so much. Actually though I'd much rather bring a novel...as a nice hiatus from school reading, so I think I will read (and WRITE...AC and EAC papers!!!) really hard up until Wednesday afternoon. That's when we're leaving. Flipper's mom is picking us up Wednesday afternoon. I think Tuesday I will plan on a Tiger Yogurt run since I haven't been there yet. We can swim at noon, grab lunch, and head on an expedition. I still havent' been to In-N-Out yet either. I vowed to go before this last month of the semester is up!! It's like the better than McDonald's fast food that California has. So I hear anyhow. Sounds good. Sounds like maybe le quick. lol ;_; paris...

Anyway's this has taken quite long enough I guess...since I meant to be at the library picking up an article or two and a couple books.

OOHHH one other note quick...

So today is the J-test...that makes that class short. Then I have AC which should be...the way it is.

Then Monday though I don't have J, only AC (yeah we cut out the favorites before the break and keep the unsavories...haha oh but that's mean...it's not like i REALLY hate any of my classes...just get frustrated sometimes...) and then Tuesday I have EAC but no FH.

I need to come up with abbreviations for next semester:
J
J-Lit
PG
Math
WT
KB

That should suffice. I suppose I could shorten to M for math, we'll see how it goes. Abbreviations should be spontaneous and convenient!!

PG is physical geology ne...I'm sure some kids WOULD need parental guidance tho cuz it could get pretty complicated. I dunno much about subduction zones ;D

I just had a ridiculous dinner:

lasagna, broccoli, and FUDGE lol

The best part of that is that yesterday morning I had this sudden longing for lasagna. LO AND BEHOLD it is dinner Monday night. How glorious. For dessert I chose fudge over apple pie. They don't have fudge everyday. It was so good, and I admit I could've chosen a smaller chunk >_<;;

ANYHOW

here I am in the PRIDE CENTER

at work...

I should be (working? no no no) doing homework. I actually got done quite a lot today. Flipper has practically moved into my house. She's joined Kevin and I in our (now resumed) Tai Chi mornings. Actually today was super cool cuz we did tai chi and then had breakfast. Then she had class but I didn't...I just did homework. Then we went swimming! Only for about a half hour but it was still good exercise. Tomorrow there might be a way to fit in swimming...only if I rearrange lunch. But then isn't that my favorite pasttime? 6_6

Boy that lasagna was good. The sad thing is that it was probably horrible lasagna, but it sure tasted good... I appreciated it to no end. Well thankfully there was an end otherwise I'm sure I would've continued appreciating it until I exploded...

ew...

Nah...but it was pretty tasty.

Anyhow...anything else...saturday night i went to a thanksgiving dinner on campus and the funny thing is that the dining hall is doing a thanksgiving dinner on thursday. This means I'll be having thanksgiving dinner fully THREE WEEKS IN A ROW. I find that somewhat amusing.

Blah I should go take notes on EAC stuff...speaking of which...I haven't done my paper for AC OR EAC...so I'm kinda screwed. Not ultimately...but...currently. Really I wanted to get all that crud done before break which is...*drumroll* STARTING NEXT WEDNESDAY :D Flipper and I will be whisked AND we get to see Harry Potter. I'm psyched.

OK THO

WORK

WORK WORK WORK AND BENKYOU

yeah

and water :D

The Crazy

Yeah...things have been pretty insane lately.

However today I would just like to mention:

sweet potatoes (yes)

my eac prof was nice to me! i think...

and...

what else...

work is going ok...school is ok.

next semester i will have

japanese
japanese lit
physical geology
math
weight training
kickboxing

also the happiness that is moses has been relocated...i'm so glad :D

i could go see a movie right now but i think i'm going to do some work first.

i've been getting REALLY lost in final fantasy (i) and so spend many hours wandering aimlessly killing stupid monsters.

you'd think they hearsay of my great strength would spread amongst their ranks and they would leave me the freak alone but i guess not...

it's cuz (see) the problem...is that i don't know where to go...so i wander into some cavern right? and then i wander down some corridors and go through some doors and then i pop out somewhere else...and i lose the airship...i dunno where it is...and i just got it! grr lol

other than that...i got the most beautiful japanese test handed back to me the other day. i got a hundred (which i usually do...our prof grades pretty easy) but this time there were NO extraneous markings on the paper. generally i get full points but he has at least 2 or three things to point out that i screwed up on. THIS time the ONLY marks on the paper were to say i was right (right right right right flawless perfect glorious amazing)

:D ^_^ :D

ok usually i don't get so excited about good grades ne...but an untouched test is pretty sweet.

uhm...other than that...i wish it was next semester...

i'm scared of the rest of this one...

at work we're planning aids week and it's kinda nuts...

*ramble ramble*

anyhow

oh my counselor is pretty cool, which is nice

but i should probably go study...all the ff has made it after 8 o'clock (not to mention the blogging and talking to moses on the phone and chatting with xav lol)

uhm

yay!

kanji! :D

time-sinks

*sigh* i'm trying to get my life to the point where i can watch a movie or play some video games or chat for a while everyday without feeling like i'm shirking my duties as dedicated college student, but the increasing number of fun things to do is making it difficult.

http://darksonata.proboards43.com/index.cgi

EVERYONE GO JOIN!! It's fun! A friend from HS set it up. Sweet rp. I'm a total noob but hopefully I'll learn fast and it will be one of those things I look forward to everyday while slogging through articles on British cinema or grinding a paper through my brain...

I LOVE GRAPENUTS!!!

GOOD LORD they make me so happy. lol I had some of them and a banana for lunch and I wish I could just eat the exact same thing for dinner it was so good. More likely lunch tomorrow tho...if they still have them.

and i guess that's all...since i'm supposed to be on my way to class or working on a paper or something...important...like that...

GO JOIN THE RP :D (I'm Haley!)