out of steam

man things were going well this weekend but i think the happy just wore out. all of the sudden i have no motivation, no will to do anything. I feel like crud. Dinner was too...whatever. Yuck. I'm so excited about budo taijutsu on Thursday and Tai Chi every morning with Kevin and stuff, but at the same time I feel totally drained. I'm really lonely. Mostly I just to curl up and go to bed. Before I do that though I have to read chapter six for eac and study some japanese. i was supposed to do the revised proposal for my research paper but i'm considering changing my topic...so i'll put that off. then also i was going to outline chapter three but realized i have no idea what is important in all those details...

bureaus with sub-bureaus and central local district commanderies...

blehhhh chancellor...*cough*

*cry*

i can't even remember all the stuff...THAT doesn't even sound that complicated

i ate some interesting cake tonite

but it made me feel guilty cuz i had cinni-raisin toast for breakfast (one piece)

with low-fat yogurt (which of course has all sorts of dumb sugar in it)

i'm mad again

and lonely

and sick of working

and i feel stupid cuz half of it i put off anyhow

so dumb

i dunno what to do my paper on

i can't write papers

i totally suck at it

*jams to Athlete*

hmmmmm

so i will have to get down to homework soon.

maybe i shouldn't change my paper topic...i was thinking i could look at ninjutsu...but maybe that would be too uh..."shrouded in myth"

*cry*

chapter six is on buddhism and daoism so that should be good....since...we already read about it. so hopefully it will just flesh it out.

i like reading the more detailed stuff AFTER we read the basic stuff...

i never rememer anything tho.

japanese...maybe i should do japanese now...

cuz that is a no brainer...technically i could get everything done tomorrow. i have a lot of open time tomorrow.

at least it seems that way.

i spend too much time putzing on my computer cuz i don't want to work...like esp now when i feel lousy.

i dunno...

usually if there is a day or two that i am happy enough to literally jump up and down there follows a drained period

which is sad cuz i've been feeling so lousy for weeks and then got to be happy for like 2 days.

i'm also really mad because the dinner menus for the week aren't up so i can't plan food...

dinner tonite made me mad
i'm just dumb

V_V

maybe i should go remember the tai chi i learned today.

kevin rocks!